Divine Errors in The Temple

Reminders

2011-06-19T12:00:00.001+05:30

I was late.

I was supposed to get up at 530am. I got up at 6. The call with my colleagues went longer than expected. I tried to cook for the first time, of all days, today. (Not much – Boiled some frozen veggies, toasted two slices of bread, added chilli flakes, oregano, the veggies and ketchup and made a sandwich Tada! – That’s one step for a cook and a giant leap for me.)

First difference – Why in the Kailasam doesn’t this place have these small dosa parotta stalls that are so common back home? There was one right up in my street. Huh. And why can’t the cute things called chillies be used in something in some form? Why this partiality against a vegetable class? My heart goes out to the neglected family.

So anyway, I was late. And I had to catch a bus.

Second difference – I don’t have my bike here. My adorable old green bike. You know the feeling that one gets when he/she has broken up (well I don’t know that feeling but I am guessing how it would be) with his/her whatever-the-appropriate-noun. Well anyway, I have that feeling about my bike. It’s like I broke my relationship with her, abandoning her with wanton hard heartedness but still longing for her. I am sorry my bikey. I now know your value. Sobs. Hope you will accept me back. Give me one more chance. I will be a better person. Sobs.

Third difference – There are no autos. Not even shared ones. Seriously. Can you believe that? No taxis. No rickshaws. Nothing. You know the feeling when you are completely, and I mean completely, at the mercy of someone that we feel paranoid and uncomfortable even though there are no warranted reasons to feel so but just because we are completely dependent on the thing? That is what I feel about the public transport system.

Fourth difference – The buses are fascinatingly infrequent. For the first time in my life I have taken a print out of a public transport bus service schedule, stuck it to the wall and go by it. In fact I am collecting data about this everyday – times of services, the variance and standard deviation of arrival times, walking speed etc. I am hoping to optimize my waiting time at the bus stop. Typical operations research exercise. I am actually excited about it. Wheeee! If the sarcasm was lost on you, I am merely pointing to the irony of a common man needing to do operations research to use the bus service.

Fifth difference – Quarters! No no...not whiskey or rum. Coins. Every satandamned machine here needs quarters. And the bus will eat only one dollar bills or quarters. Where in Osama’s beard am I supposed to get so many quarters? (and the washing machine and drier compete for your precious quarters as well). So I am hurriedly collecting coins from my purse and bag and stuff and every other silly stupid coin is there. What am I supposed to do with these pennies and dimes anyway?

Sixth difference – The pavements to walk on? They are just awesome. And almost all the houses have well maintained lawns AND so many people walk their dogs and the dogs are just lovely. The houses? They look so adorable. You know like a baby boy decked up in a suit with a bow? Or the strip in which Calvin has his hair combed for a picture? And somehow many of the houses have a fairy tale-ish quality to them.

So I was walking briskly down the pavement to the bus stop. There is a bus at 8.27 am. Time on my watch was 8.23. It would take one more minute for me to reach the end of my street where it joins a main road on which the stop is located. And I know the bus would come in between 820 to 835. And I was hoping that the bus hadn’t come early. I was almost running now. I was able to see the road. Just a few seconds away. And the bus passed my street. CRAP. I was running now. There was a chance that I can still catch it. And I turned the corner and I was running and I was a few steps away when the bus just started (which means the doors were already closed) and I was running out flat now but I knew I have missed it. As I stopped and sighed, cursing and wishing that maybe I could have gotten up one min earlier, I saw the bus stop (that was not a pun. I meant that the bus stopped and not the bus-stopJ)!!! I went up to the bus and the door opened and the driver, an African American middle aged woman who always gives a big smile and says a warm good morning every day, was smiling at me (Think she recognizes me because I am the only one who gets on at this stop and I had taken her bus -the 8.27am one- without fail for some days). She said “I was wondering where you were and then saw you running”.

I don’t know why or how but it did feel really happy. Then she was talking with me all the way till the stop I get down. Irrespective of the country or city, there are always some nice people, there are always things to feel good about, and there are always reasons to smile.

Aaaand I missed home so much that day. I missed my city. I missed my people.

It’s not the sad things, the irritation of not understanding the new system, the inconvenience of not having my bike or the lack of spicy food that makes me miss home. Many of these things feel good in retrospect and its nice enjoying the differences.

It’s the love, affection and warmth shown by people here that makes me miss home more. Because in that moment, in that elation of feeling happy and safe as I stand basking in somebody’s caring gesture, my mind tells me how exponentially more gratifying and meaningful I would feel when I am reveling in the affection of my own loved ones.

In that fleeting trance, mind gallops across the sweeping landscape of memories, stirring up, like dust under the hooves of an unicorn, images and words and laughs and hugs and smiles, all of which swirl and entwine in a psychedelic union that reveals itself in a simple unrevealing long silent longing sigh.

Love reminds us of love like nothing else.

I miss you guys.

All of you.

Sin

2011-02-23T00:57:00.002+05:30

I wanted to write this some days back when I was mighty miffed at something. But then I knew I had no right to be pissed at the thing that did piss me off. But then such discretion is only useful as an afterthought, as an argument, as a disclaimer. Nothing more. Because knowing that is not making me any less pissed. But then anyway I decided not to dwell on it.

But something about it kept bothering me. You know, sometimes there is this nagging presence which disappears when we try to look at it directly? Something like that. Something was troubling about the whole thing.

Anyway let me get to the primary thing.

So the Valentine’s Day came and went...Blah blah. Guess a lot of things were bought and gifted as gestures of goodwill / affection or desperate attempts to impress, so on and so forth.

So let’s ask a question. What do we gift people?

Hmmmm... Not a big list isn’t it. Pens, watches, bags, clothes, jewellery, vouchers, etc...

So do you think it makes any sense to gift pups? It doesn’t now does it?

There was an article in a leading newspaper about how pups which were gifted by boyfriends/girlfriends to girlfriends/boyfriends for Valentine’s Day end up as stray dogs after some days because the person didn’t feel like wanting it or care for it after some days.

Pups are not commodities.

Pups are not stuffed toys.

Pups are not branded and do not come with a customer service hotline.

Pups cannot be put in a showcase.

Pups are not like gift vouchers which can be redeemed later.

I feel it is an extremely stupid thing to do. To gift a pup. Having a pet is as much a big decision as having a new family member isn’t it?

I thought - “But then the one who gifts can use some common sense before choosing a gift. Or maybe the receiver can at least have the prudence to say no to such a gift if they don’t think they can take care of the pup. Well anyway, so what is the big deal? There are so many street dogs anyway”.

And there ended my momentary irritation caused by reading that article.

But then something was amiss in the whole thing.

Happiness is a curious thing. I don’t know whether I have mentioned this name earlier but there is this guy Daniel Gilbert who wrote this popular science book about happiness. Yes. Science book. About happiness. Go read it if you are interested. Well anyway, in it there is this mention about these Siamese twins who rated their happiness pretty high. And when normal people were asked to comment on it, the general feedback was that it’s not possible. “Simply impossible. How can two people physically joined together be happy?”. But the truth is, they were actually, in the full sense of the word, happy. And it was so because happiness is a function of our past experiences. The Siamese twins rated their happiness in their true scale. They never knew what it feels like to be individuals and have that freedom. Qualitatively their happiness is as much joyous and as much meaningful as any of ours. Our judgement of our happiness is dependent on our collective memories and experiences and learnings.

Pups are sentient beings. Like us. Beautiful word. Sentient. Means that the entity is endowed with the capacity to feel and perceive. It is not the fact that they end up as stray dogs that is unfair. But the fact that they were cuddled, fed, shown affection and THEN thrown away. And poor things they won’t even know what wrong they did because they didn’t do any. And I don't know for how long they will keep longing for what they momentarily experienced. That IS unfair isn’t it?

And thinking about it, I suppose we are capable of doing that to even fellow humans.

Dogs? Ha. Ha. Ha.

Entha moolaiku.

To show affection and then discard someone for no mistake of theirs, I guess is one the biggest sins we can do.

God save us.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-12T22:58:00.001+05:30

Having worked in projects related to optimizing search engine marketing and click through rates and the kind, I thought having the blog title as “valentine’s day” might attract traffic J.

No. It was not a complete ruse to lure you here. I am not that wily. What I am going to write is related to it.

A brief background on why I wanted to write something related to Valentine’s Day. A couple of days back during my usual quick fly through the Hindu I came across this week’s Nxg supplement. And no prizes for guessing, this week’s main focus was the V day. There was this page where people were explaining their versions or views of what relationships are or how relationships should be. I was going through them with the usual “wow this will be fun” attitude and then I got blown away! One 11^th or 12^th standard school kid was talking about relationships. I remember my school days. I remember me discussing exams and subjects and movies and syllabus and videogames but satandammit! I don’t remember talking about relationships. As far as I remembered, I don’t think I even knew what “relationship” is per se then. In fact I was explained what are the different “bases” just a couple of weeks ago (if you don’t know it either, trust me, it is not worth knowing it now because you are only going to look like a dumbass) and what are the different stages in the commitment spectrum just a couple of days ago. And I couldn’t help feeling like a failed student. Terrible. In fact it is terrible because I wanted to say something too when a school kid can say about it. Yeah. Ego. Definitely. And so I decided I am going to put something on my blog about Valentine’s Day and in fact created a word doc with that as the name. Opened the doc and the cursor was blinking and I was waiting for a flood of words to simply course through my fingers from my mind, words that will give some profound insight into relationships and I was waiting.. and then...

I was waiting some more.

Mmmmmmmm

I saw a mosquito buzzing which came and sat on the monitor.

Hmmmmmmmmm

Drawing on my immense –experience-rich-profound life of 2.4 decades...well... actually I couldn’t draw anything.

I swatted the mosquito away.

Pffffffffffftttt.

And a small voice on my mind was also nagging me saying “what are u doing instead of finishing that library book like you planned to?” That is when I realised why I am not qualified to write about relationships because even if I could write it will be theory, which I have realized over time, would earn me the look that ranges from the condescending - “oh you poor naive ignorant boy” to the angry-“shut up about things you don’t know about”. Even though I can strongly hold my fort when it comes to an argument, I have learnt that it is not wise to argue against battle hardened experience with home grown ideologies that are not even put to test.

So I closed this doc, started my favourite playlist in the media player and went to bed and started reading “the graveyard book” by Nail Gaiman. Interesting book. It’s a children’s book though. And as usual I was singing in full volume along with the laptop which would have driven the laptop insane if it had been a person. And then I knew what I can fill that doc up with. J

Without reading further if you had guessed what I am going to write, then tell me and I will get you an ice cream.

And I can write them without even thinking much because it is one of those things that I am relatively good at remembering and in fact I have indeed discussed these things at school and college. Ah. Finally something is making me feel better than a failed student...phew

Yes. Lyrics.

So following is a small fractional collection of my favourite lyrics from the Tamizh film industry. I know. I wish I were multi lingual. But anyway regrets aside, I am still motivated enough to translate them into English J . Obviously it loses its shine when it’s translated because I am not that good in both the languages and some phrases are unique to the language. And certain metaphors cannot be captured with the same succinctness. And the rhyme will be missed too. But I will do my best. And yeah, you can be really thankful to me in case you didn’t know Tamizh and you enjoyed the lines anyway. And in case you didn’t, still be thankful to me because I took the pains to do it. I won’t mind it. ;)

Get ready. You would probably not be enthralled at the end but you can try and be anyway.

I am going to do a countdown of the 10 best lines (according to me of course) that came in some form of a romantic song because...ahem...afteral...the blog title is “Valentine’s day”... And I am going to specifically not choose the guy-describing-the-girl/girl-describing-the-guy/ loss-sad-melodramatic side of things (though some of the best lines are used in melodrama).

Considering only the positive-hopeful- feel-good sunny-side lines with some ponder-able value to it.

And the ranks are specifically for the particular lines. (not the song or the movie)

Rank 10************************************************************************

Song: Irumbile oru Ithayam

Movie: Enthiran

“Unnaale than en vithigazhai maranthen......”

“Because of you, all my rational rules and self imposed discipline got screwed...”

Why: For using science fiction to showcase the simple truth that all rationality breaks down before emotionality

Rank 9************************************************************************

Song: Thavaminri kidaitha varam

Movie: don’t know

“Ni suriyan naan vennila, un ozhiyaal thane vazhgiren; ni suriyan naan thaamarai, ni vanthaal thane malargiren; ni suriyan naan van mugizh, ni nadanthidum paathai aagiren; ni suriyan naan aazh kadal, en madiyil unnai enthinen”

“You are the sun, I am the moon- I live by your light; You are the Sun, I am the lotus – I bloom only when you rise; You are the Sun, I am the Cloud – I am the path you tread on; You are the Sun, I am the Deep sea – I protect you in my embrace”

Why: For sheer metaphoric value

Rank 8 ************************************************************************

Song: Elangathu

Movie: Pithamagan

“ulagathil ethuvum thanichu ilaye...kuzhalil ragam malaril vaasam servatha pola”

“nothing in this world is singular by design.. like tune fusing with the bamboo, like fragrance fusing with the flower”

Why: For brilliantly explaining the proposition of inevitable pairing

Rank 7************************************************************************

Song: uruguthey maruguthey

Movie: Veyil

“Saami parthu kumbidum bothum, nithaane nenjil iruke”

“Even when I am praying looking at the God, you fill my heart”

Why: For describing the collateral shifting down of all other priorities and belief systems in the light of love, in a religious yet sacrilegious way

Rank 6************************************************************************

Song: nenjukuley innaru nu

Movie: Sinthamani

“ulagey azhinthalum un uruvum azhiyathey..uyirey pirinthalum uravethum piriyathey”

“Even if the world is annihilated your form would not..Even if life untwines (from the body) (our) bond would not”

Why: For efficient usage of technically-not-feasible-convictions to portray one’s ardent loyalty

Rank 5************************************************************************

Song: Manjazh veyil maalai ithey

Movie: Vettaiyado villayadu

“ulagathin kadaisi naazh indruthaano enbathu pol, pesi pesi theertha pinbum etho ondru kurayuthey”

“Even after conversing like it is the last day of the world, it feels like something is still missing”

Why: For glorifying conversations in a profoundly simple way

Rank 4 ************************************************************************

Song: Paravaye engu irukirai

Movie: Tamizh MA

“kadhai pesi kondey vaa kaatrodu povom...urayaadal theernthaalum un mounangazh pothum”

“Come lets go with the wind, exchanging stories...even if we use up “conversation”, your silence is enough”

Why: For glorifying silence in an innocently elegant way

Rank 3 ************************************************************************

Song: Kanmani anbodu kadhalan

Movie: Guna

“endhan kadhal enna vendru sollamal yenga yenga azhugai vanthathu..enthan sogam unnai thaakkum endrennum bothu vantha azhugai ninrathu”

“As I longed to convey my love, the delay kept adding to my woes drawing tears..but when the thought that my sadness might affect you rose , my tears stopped”

Why: For using an interesting self referential, seemingly perennial, logical loop

Rank 2************************************************************************

Song: Kannukulley unnai veipen kannamma

Movie: Pennin manathai thottu

“ni anbai parkum parvayile en jeevan vazhuthadi..ni atharavaga thozh sainthaal en ayuzh neezhuthadi”

“My soul is sustained on your affection laden glance...my lifespan increases when you supportingly rest on my shoulder”

Why: For poetic brilliance and powerfully emotional statements

Rank1************************************************************************

Song: Nenjukkul peidhidum

Movie: Varanam Ayiram

“enodu vaa veedu varaikum , en veettai paar ennai pidikum”

“Accompany me to my home, see my home and you will like me”

Why: For it is the kind of line that I might say if I have to convince a girl. Ahem: shy: blush:

I did think it over. Whether this deserved the first rank. (And it’s my blog. Duh...my decision...ppbbrrr)...It has no poetic value. No great metaphors or similes. Not exactly eulogising affection or emotion. And then I thought, probably that’s why this deserves the first rank. It is the most pragmatic thing to say isn’t it? Establishes the fact that the male protagonist is serious about his feelings, that he is someone who is close to his family that he keeps no secrets from them and that he is so sure of his family’s good nature (this is important for as the saying goes people marry each other’s family right?).

“Oh...such a beautiful house. You selected such a talented architect and mesthri. I am going to like you”... No...That is not the expected reaction from the female protagonist. It’s the other meaning..You know....about how the family would shower affection and a feeling of good heartedness that would get the female protagonist bowled, alleviating her fears that the guy’s family might be schizophrenic psychopaths. But then, as long as the objective is successful, it doesn’t matter how something works right?

****************************************************************************

So that’s it folks. Thanks for your time. May be you can use these lines if you are stuck somewhere in your endeavours. J Happy Valentine’s Day.

Oh, rats... there has to be some message right... hmm...ok...

Irrespective of what you are, single/committed/married / “its complicated” / “looking for friends”, whenever things seem low, whenever things seem bleak, whenever the world looks like a hurtful place.........remember Super Star’s punch “kidaikirathu kidaikama irukathu..kidaikama irukarthu kidaikathu” and then play counter strike/ read some novels/study for some exam/ watch some TED videos/ browse Wikipedia/ and get a good night’s sleep. The next day, the world would automatically seem a sunny place.

**Tadaaaa!***

Sanctuary

2011-01-27T22:18:00.001+05:30

Sanctuary

1. A consecrated place where sacred objects are kept

2. Area around the altar of a church for the clergy and choir; often enclosed by a lattice or railing

3. A shelter from danger or hardship

A shelter from danger or hardship. The third meaning is what instinctively comes to me whenever I think of the word. Besides I had no idea about the second one. And me being someone who claims to like biology as a subject and who had also liked geography when he had it as a subject in his schooldays (I think the last sentence is kind of wrong. Using third person reference to myself. Is it grammatically correct? Anyway it was pleasurable. So I am going to let it be without referring to Wren and Martin) the first words I associate with the word “sanctuary” are “bird”, “tiger”, “lion”, {*.animalclass. }

The first time I actually got interested in the word was after watching the movie “Lemony Snicket’s A series of unfortunate events”. Brilliant film. Brilliant cast. Brilliant Jim carrey. Brilliant theme. May be the story as such and the screenplay had elements of fantasy in it, but the essence of the characters were tangible enough for the concept of the movie to get through our ..ahem...my thick skull. The movie was about how we can build our own sanctuaries, wherever we want, whenever we want, where we can be safe and warm.

That was a long time ago. A lot of movies ago.

Then it struck me one day. In the most unexpected place. I will get to it. So after that it kept coming to me now and then. Of course all out of context but somehow it was related, out of context or not. It happens you know, like sometimes something unrelated comes to our mind when thinking about something. But I suppose it is not always off tangent though it might seem so. There is always some link, some obscure thread joining them which by itself would make a lot of sense. Like a metaphor. I suppose it sounds weird but yes what I am saying is that sometimes the metaphor would be tangible while how it builds the meaning of the target concept may not be so. (In terms of Tamizh grammar I am saying that the “uvamai” may make sense but how it relates to the “uvameyam” may be clouded.) But the real ingenuity of our mind is exhibited in the fact that this seemingly unrelated comparison is actually conjured up by itself which is undeniable proof that within its (that is, the mind’s) context it should be making sense somewhere, linked by something in its collective memories, opinions and logic.

Getting up suddenly in the middle of the night for some reason and recognising my home’s bedroom

Some random stranger telling me, while I am driving, that my bike’s stand is up

A professor telling me exasperatedly that it’s high time I realised the importance of aesthetics.

A friend, telling me, when I unintentionally put everyone in an silly situation and apologised for it, that it’s not needed because they know that I don’t mean harm

Getting wished on my birthday.

The unexpected, sudden dawn of appreciation for the lyrics of a familiar song

Somebody feeling exactly the same way I do about something

Somebody feeling exactly the opposite about the same thing but agreeing to my point for my sake

Crying for a scene in “I am Sam”, “Forrest Gump”, “The bucket list” and so on (there...there...I caught myself)

Happening to see a deaf and dumb couple, happy, smiling and talking affectionately to each other in sign language, while I am walking back home on a cloudy day.

Close ones imitating me

Missing somebody

I don’t know whether the list made any sense. It doesn’t, completely, to me. But these are just random things that I associate with the word.

It came to me on a train journey. I am travelling alone with home as the destination. I am having this side berth with a curtain. Long journey. Afternoon. Everybody in the compartment seems asleep. I close the curtain. I am sitting, my head propped up on the pillow. Book in my hand. Music in my ears. The A/C compartment’s tainted glass is coloring the sun light yellow. I am having no meaningful thought in my head, but in a moment, I felt my mood soaring, a feeling of contentment that comes from smug satisfaction infusing through my semi asleep consciousness, a feeling of safety that everything is fine with this life and the world. I am going home and everything else merely details.

Sanctuaries are all around us in the form of friends and family and good hearted people and beautiful things.

Envy

2010-07-21T00:01:00.001+05:30

It is one of those bad days. Nothing goes right. Probably because my head didn’t turn up the right way when I got up from the bed, after the revolutions it goes through in my dream world. (No. I am not talking about the movie inception. Yes. I liked it a lot. But it’s not about it. Sorry). And may be tomorrow morning everything will look all sunny and that future me would scoff at the present me for being lost. Happens.

Getting splashed with refreshing brown water by a lorry.

Getting stressed at work.

Feeling irritated for not having time to do simple things like reading a novel.

Questions about the purpose of getting up and doing whatever I have to do today.

Getting lost.

Feeling lonely.

That is enough. You get the idea.

My usual antidote is comics. Works like a dream. Nothing puts things in perspective like a good comic strip.

Today its Calvin and Hobbes. And I am suddenly overcome with this enormous sense of envy.

I envy you Calvin.

I think there would be no bad days if we have someone so close that the person goes through the same things and feels the same things and relates to us completely. I think the sheer camaraderie and the pleasure of shared experience would make everything else mere details.

I wish I had my own Hobbes.

Sati

2009-11-22T14:52:00.002+05:30

Sati

This is impromptu. I usually blog when I have something concrete to talk about . Even though it may not be fun for others, its amusing to catalogue points in favor of a personal view point. (Pardon me for the explicit egoism...it sometimes slips you know...)

Don’t know why I suddenly thought about it. The sati thing.

It just struck me, that though the wife was the victim in the sense she was made to lose her life forcibly, there is this element of moral freedom about it. Now before you start hitting at me, just listen to the entire thing.

Disclaimer: I have no idea how it was done. I am not saying anything to demean anything or any person. The scenario I am talking about might be actually fictional (if that’s not how it was)...So I have used “might” and words like that everywhere possible so that you get the picture that I am not claiming anything to be true/right/ethical/etc. And I am not a male chauvinist. (Thought it’s safe to say that...No idea how people construe something...I guess understanding is subjective right?)

Assume...ASSUME...that the societal set up was that way and the husband or the wife or whoever involved couldn’t do anything to stop it. Assume that when a man dies it’s a given that his wife would be killed too.

In that scenario may be amongst all the feelings of injustice and fear and anger, the wives might...MIGHT ...have felt a small miniscule thing of calmness that comes with the surety of moral uprightness. They might have known that they are being murdered for no fault of theirs and even in that state of extreme trauma and frustration at the sacrilege of human life none of the negative emotion would have been directed at themselves.

The husband, say, who might have been lying on his death bed, sick and wasting away, amidst his fear of losing his precious life, also has to go through the guilt of going to be the reason for his soul mate’s death too.

Imagine that.

Dying and knowing that the death is going to kill his loving wife.

Dying and helpless to stop his own death or his precious’.

Dying and frustrated at his own weakness, a weakness that is killing him and will kill another life too, a life that is going to lose its right to live because it chose to love and live with him.

Dying and realizing that everything he has cared for, himself and his family, would in all essence, cease to exist.

Dying and failing to see some scope of feeling resigned to the fate.

Dying and killing himself with thoughts that shift and mix between anger, fear, frustration, helplessness and affection.

Dying.

Just imagining that is scary.

Madras

2009-09-15T23:04:00.001+05:30

MADRAS

Someone: Man. How do you live here?

Madrasi: Er..essentially by eating, breathing and sleeping…Do you live by something else? Energy pills?

Someone: huh

Madrasi: Coming to think about it, that’s how I live even when I am not here

Someone: I am talking seriously dude. I mean. I can’t stand it.

Madrasi: Stand what? Me living?

Someone: No. Living here.

Madrasi: You can’t stand me living here? Now why would u do that?

Someone: Crap. Why would I care about you? I am talking for myself. I can’t stand living here.

Madrasi: Tried dying here? Were you able to stand that?

Someone: Enough of this rubbish madrasi. You know what I am talking about.

Madrasi: Seriously. I am clueless. Tell me cant you? What is it that you hate it here?

Someone: Don’t even get me started dude.

Madrasi: I insist. Do you have an ignition key?

Someone: What?

Madrasi: Never mind. So tell me.

Someone: Man. What to say. I mean. One thing, this place is very conservative.

Madrasi: Please. Define it for me. Piece by piece.

Someone: er..I mean...er…hmmm…I mean…

Madrasi: Making a statement without even understanding what it means amounts to despicable hypocrisy. And when that statement is an allegation, it amounts to apathetic malice.

Someone: Fine. I tried to be nice.

Madrasi: By being dumb?

Someone: You are asking for it man.

Madrasi: Yes indeed.

Someone: First of all, there are no pubs here

Madrasi: What? There are soo many gorgeous pups here..anyway you have not even seen any dogs here? How do you think they came about?

Someone: PUBs. P – U – B.

Madrasi: Ofcourse there are pubs here. Are you blind too? Must be tough man. Being dumb and blind. You can neither get a clue nor see one. Sad.

Someone: Really? Name one.

Madrasi: Er..What’s that..Something about barrels going on bikes or something like that.

Someone: Yeah. May be. One or two. Here and there. Not many pubs.

Madrasi: You want a pub in every street?

Someone: Same thing with discos etc

Madrasi: Are you saying that pub and discs are like a basic necessity that every human should have access to? Like education and healthcare? Man. You are a humanist.

Someone: Look. What I am saying is, even when there are many pubs here people won’t go to them

Madrasi: Did you take a survey?

Someone: It’s pretty apparent

Madrasi: And you are not able to stand that? You feel irritated to be among people who are not even using their access to pubs?

Madrasi: Why does it bother you anyway?

Someone: I don’t know. I just feel irritated by the fact that people are not living their life.

Madrasi: er...right…

Someone: And this place doesn’t even have a night life..

Madrasi: like bats and owls?

Someone: That mall? It closes down at 930 10 man.. What kind of a mall is that?

Madrasi: Don’t the people who work there need to get home, sleep may be? I am sure there are many other places which are open a little late

Someone: Whatever. But it’s scary right? If everything starts closing down.. I mean…

Madrasi: So you want others, who are not living their life, who don’t have a night life, who don’t go to pubs, to be awake and running about so that you, who is living life and having a night life can feel safe?

Someone: er...

Madrasi: why should people who are traditional to the extent of almost being uncivilized in your eyes do things which they have no intention of doing so that you are comfortable? Why are the obligated to you?

Someone: Fine. Look at my friend. Most of the times he likes being home, spending leisure time on even a WEEKEND. Can you believe that? Losers man.

Madrasi: Being home is losing? And besides what makes you qualified to comment about somebody’s preferences? At least they don’t expect others to do things so that they feel comfortable roaming around at 1 Am.

Madrasi: Anyway are you like totally lost. So many people are out there on weekends. Movies , beaches, eat outs etc

Someone: Whatever. Chennai is still a very conservative place.

Madrasi: You mean a majority of the people would prefer not to fornicate? Or in the open?

Someone: What?

Madrasi: No No. I was not stating that. Was merely asking you what you are referring to when you say Chennai is conservative.

Someone: My family for instance is extremely orthodox. My mom asks me why I reached late if I reach home later than 8 PM.

Madrasi: And how is that Chennai’s mistake, assuming it’s indeed a mistake.

Someone: It’s because my family is in Chennai.

Madrasi: How? You mean to say your mom would let you reach later if it’s some other place?

Someone: Er..

Madrasi: Why is Chennai responsible for your family sentiments? May be many families share similar sentiments. So what? Next you will probably say your uncle’s schizophrenic condition is caused by Chennai.

Madrasi: Anyway, don’t you think the place is too hot?

Someone: Ya Ya. Extremely Hot. Unbearably humid. Irritating.

Madrasi: What do you propose we do about it? Cause an artificial tectonic shift so as to favorably alter the latitude of Chennai?

Someone: HA ha. Funny.

Madrasi: Seriously? You found that funny? So you do understand that the Chennai people can’t possibly do anything about the temperature?

Someone: What?

Madrasi: hmmm..for a moment I thought you actually showed some trace of the ability to think logically.

Someone: And auto drivers are cheaters man.

Madrasi: Precisely. Not all of them though. But I accept your point completely. “Some auto drivers are cheaters”. But that’s a universal statement. The first premise. The second premise can be “There are auto drivers in Chennai”. So by syllogism the conclusion is some auto drivers in Chennai are cheaters. My point being the second premise can be anything. You fit any place in the sentence and the syllogism still holds.

Someone: What? Are we talking about Chennai or not?

Madrasi: Absolutely.

I wouldn’t deny the fact that I wrote this because it was beginning to get on my nerves with people saying illogical stuff about Madras. Everyplace has its pros and cons. And every place has to be different. IF Madras has to have the life of Mumbai or the climate of Bangalore then it might as well be called as Bangalore2 or Mumbai2. We like the place we like no matter what. So I apologise if I had said anything against the place you like. And I demand an apology if you had said anything about Madras! My Madras!

Unacceptable

2009-08-05T01:02:00.003+05:30

Unacceptable
What do we do when we pray? Do we tend to justify our prayers?

I am extremely greedy. In fact I don’t even hesitate while demanding. After all its God I am asking from right? Nothing should be a big deal for Him (or Her). Most of the times I am almost as unfair as wanting to eat the new Bournville Chocolate and have it too. Almost.

Most times we don't stop with praying do we? We engage in a transaction with God.
I have always wondered what is the point of bribing God. Its common practice in all cultures I guess.

“Give me a pass mark in Quantum physics (I know...don’t “ahem” ...just an illustration ;)) and I will come and lie down and revolve around your Home 100 times”

“Cure me of my short term amnesia that is interspersed with wide mood swings and I will give you my hair. I mean. Seriously. My HAIR. Yeah. No kidding. You heard it right God.”

“Make sure the marriage gets finalised without any hassle and I will come and meet you. Again. No kidding. You could actually meet me. Yes”

“Get me my Visa to US and I will get US dollars, convert it into Indian rupees and then get you as much gold as you weigh. Your whole weight.”

“Give me a kid of my desired gender preference and I will pierce his/her ears. Literally. Imagine .Who will do that for you eh? I will make my kid do it Man. Just for you.”

I know. Ridiculous as they may be, it is what we think. Technically what can an omnipotent omnipresent entity gain from what we are offering? In fact when we think about it, it’s preposterous for us to think that such an entity is in dire need for commodities such as hair (or to have his home surrounding leveled) and that it would be immensely pleased with us for providing that.

It looks funny only when we think about it without actually being involved in it because unfortunately we don’t realise its futility when we are indeed thinking that way.

But else what can we mere mortals do anyway?

Imagine someone we deeply love is seriously ill. We will do whatever it takes to cure that. We can spend money. We can be with them. We can do a lot of things. But unfortunately what we can do is finite and we hit upon a point where we still want to hold onto something. That desperate need to think that something more is possible. That there must be someway to do more. And even a rational mind, wouldn’t hesitate to do anything from rolling on the ground to tonsuring its head, just to be able to think that there is a possibility that there is indeed a omnipotent omnipresent entity that can help provided it can prove to that entity that what it is asking for is indeed very very VERY valuable. Who cares if its silly or against rational and scientific reasoning? When the thing at stake is so important, who silly cares about ideals and philosophies and realism and ego and whatever we tend to crap about when we are normal.

“Our bribes to you oh God are just human ways to tell you that we do really need what we are asking for. We are after all, Human. The fact that we know that they are ridiculous just shows how desperate we are. It actually strengthens the credibility of the need in a contrasting way aint it?”
And it seems that You say “There are no unanswered prayers. Sometimes the answer is no”.

“No Dude. You are God. And that is Unacceptable.”

Unfortunate Truth

2009-06-28T01:38:00.001+05:30

Unfortunate truth

I am not sure whether there is a single noun that represents that. If it is there, I wish I knew it because a single word that tells the same thing as two words is brilliant (words can be attributed adjectives too right?) and I would have preferred at least what I type to sound brilliant if not anything else.

There are a lot of unfortunate truths. Like

Somebody we love passing away

A close friend hurting us

A small pup getting killed under a vehicle’s tyre

Feeling that we could have done something that would have prevented something.

A lot of things like that. I am not, so unlike me, feeling like listing things, which I always like to do.

But I felt the most unfortunate truth is something different. Even though I am going to type it now, deep down I don’t accept it even though every single logical neuron of my mind tells me that statistically and pragmatically, what I am going to say is the truth. But I don’t accede to it. This, ironically, is exactly what its addressing. The looping, comprehensive logic of it is really irritating me.

The most unfortunate truth is that we have to accept unfortunate truths, not affront it.

The Neverland

2009-04-27T20:56:00.001+05:30

Yup. JM Barrie’s world. If you have not read Peter pan or if, by an extraordinarily tough misfortune, have not seen any of the movies based on the theme or character, you might not be familiar with its mysticism. So go and watch “Finding Neverland” in which Johnny Depp plays the lead role as the author. A really good film though it has supposedly taken some liberties with the actual facts. Who cares. This story about how the author actually came upon his Neverland is, in my opinion, more intriguing than the land itself. Neverland has come to stand for childishness and immortality or something like that. More like immortal childishness. Being a child through eternity.

Siiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.That must be fun. (in a tone full of jealousy and the sadness that accompanies the feeling of losing something that is bound to be lost yet something we blindly thought is still a long time away, so blind in fact that once we lose it we feel like we have not given the proper care it deserved)

I somehow have always related the word “Neverland” to a place most of us are familiar with. I don’t know why I considered it so but I have always done it even though I am acquainted with the actual Neverland and its actual metaphorical function. But this place has a very distinct, very complex, tough-to-be-described, equally obnoxious and fascinating ambience that it’s difficult to actually decipher my feelings towards it. Possibly one of the places that can “never” be described.

Yep.
The Hostel. The realm of paradoxes.

Paradoxes. Yes. It’s funny the way it works. It is so paradoxical that it actually teaches.
For instance consider a person who doesn’t like to be in groups or gangs. Someone who is uncomfortable hanging around with people. Neverland forces such a person into a group. Paradoxical. Right? Because even though the person might try to avoid a group he will be in a group anyway. The real paradox is the fact that in all probability that person might end up liking being in a group.
Or for instance, someone may come in as a shy boy/girl who cannot look into the eyes of a girl/boy and talk but by the time he/she leaves he/she might be a person who talks only to a girl/boy.

If one place could give you all the incidents that will make you reflect upon anything as silly as life to something as profound as comics and also the time to do that reflection it’s the Neverland.

It makes one feel alone. It makes one enjoy loneliness. (Unfortunately one has to!)

It makes one miss (things and people). It makes one feel contended that there are things and people that matter more than anything else. (The fundamental human defence to combat cognitive dissonance)

It makes one sad. It makes one resistant to the temptation of drawing sympathy. (ha ha. Gotcha! Only moms fall for it)

It makes one happy. It makes one realise that happiness is quite instantaneous. (It comes and goes like a flash!)

It forces one to be independent. It makes one understand it’s essential to be. (At least it is loads cooler to be independent!)

It gets one tensed. It makes one realise that getting tensed would only get you teased (Assurances, one realises are actually pampering that misleads one from reality. It’s better to let our paranoia rule us. It’s usually right)

It makes one loyal. It teaches one to use discretion with loyalty. (Unfortunately it’s true that loyalty without discretion is the biggest injustice one can do onto oneself)

It makes one feel intimidated. It makes one realize that intimidating people are the ones who are intimidated. ( ;) Its weaklings that boast of strength)

It makes one long. It makes one understand that the best things take time (like getting a degree! Among other things ;) ;))

It makes one realize that manipulation is a way of life. It makes one accept that getting manipulated is dumb.

So on and so forth.
But you know what the best part of it all is?

It makes one acquainted with a wide assortment of characters. But it converts some of them into one’s best mates for life.

Neverland: Classes, bunking classes, tempting others to bunk classes with us, getting tempted to bunk classes with others, sleep, afternoon nap, evening catnap, classroom snooze, midnight tea, slightly later than midnight noodles, walking, talking, walking to talk secret stuff, eating mess food, bitching about mess food, missing mess food to eat muffin at Nescafe, tea, bada tea, amul cool, missing home, feeling pissed, getting teased, teasing others, assignments, copying assignments, getting offended when somebody doesn’t give his/her assignment, feeling selfish about giving ours, exams, syllabus mails, exam papers that defy the syllabus, Xerox, combined studies, combined exams, grades, soaking clothes in soap water, washing clothes after a couple of days, cycle trips, eat outs, treats, more treats, placements, preparation for placements, comparisons, disappointments, satisfactions, couples, splits, again couples, peer pressure ;), messy rooms, rats, cockroaches, insects, roommates, loo mates, wing mates, parties, festivals, college symposiums, guest lectures, sleeping through lectures, competitions, common room, market, ice creams, class presentations, presenting without preparing, debates, arguments, night outs, movies, laptop, DC++, chats, Dhobi, ATM, Tatkal, holidays, meets during hols, train journey, weekends, affection, fun, joy and Friends!

At the end of it, I realize, every single memory of it involves these people in some way or other. Possibly, it is because of these relationships that this Neverland becomes palatable and survivable even making the worst of scenarios funny and acceptable. Everything depressing is ridiculed to insignificance by the sheer potency of camaraderie. It is as this group one learns this major point. In fact one gets so used to it that it becomes a way of life. Nothing seems a problem. Nothing seems worth worrying. The Neverland imparts an experiential education that rivals that of the sages and philosophers!

Of course the Neverland corrupts the gullible. They imbibe too much without selectivity probably. Quite expectedly, the Neverland scares the species called parents. Doesn’t mean the resistant ones don’t have any takeaways. These take away tastes. Not habits. Not biases. Not prejudices. Just tastes. In my opinion, that is the most brilliant part of the Neverland. Imagine so many people with so many varied interests. The Neverland is a veritable treasure for picking up tastes.

Of all the things one goes through here, right and wrong, good and bad, fun and misery, at the end of it all when it is a test of the strength of the memories, the pleasant ones win hands down and eyes closed. I can’t believe I am going to say it but I think I will miss this stupid, obnoxious, silly, paradoxical, ironical, depressing middle of nowhere!

Neverland, the land that makes one irreversibly grow.

Neverland, the treasure land rigged with mines.

Neverland, the land of enlightening liberty.

After being through it one can never be the same.

Cheat

2009-04-21T23:59:00.001+05:30

Cheat

I got sick and I was on my way back to my hostel room from the diagnostic centre with a positive for infection. As it is, the illustrious diagnostic centre, supposedly one of the best here in this place which is illustrious by its own accord for a variety of reasons, made me wait for almost an hour because the results have to come from “somewhere”. So me in my mightily pissed form waved for a cycle rickshaw guy and was in no mood to converse, that too with my mono or max bi syllabic Hindi. But as things usually are, the guy I happened to wave down happened to be in a chatty mood. The moment I got in he started. Both pedalling and talking.

Guy: you Kerala?

Me: no. (In no mood to talk)

Guy: Andhra?

Me: no. (Still in no mood to talk)

Guy: TN?

Me: yeah (slightly amused...)

(Apparently he had figured out that I am from south India. Well. Almost everybody makes that out. But he wanted to specifically place me in my state)

Guy: (pointing at himself) AP

(Apparently he had figured out that my Hindi is beyond his levels)

Me: hmmm... (Almost forgot that I was pissed)

Guy: Bahut garam..(He said wiping off his sweat)

Me: aan

(I realised this was going to be a monologue from him. And as it is, from years of experience and a little intuition, I guessed a catch is soon going to pop out from him)

Guy: 3 Kids. 2 lady. 1 Gents.

Guy: small kid. Jaundice.

Guy: No sleep 3 days. Worry. No money.

Guy: 3 kids. School. Food. Dress. Shoes. ( he reached down and showed me where shoes are worn.)

(he also turned and looked at me and gave a resigned look and waved his hand)

(some more of lines like this interspersed with questions like the following)

Guy: Which year? Which course? Going home after exams? Where?

(anyway it goes on for some time but with the periodic mention of jaundice)

(the end is approaching)

Guy: No smoke. No drinks. (pointing at himself)

( a few seconds later I get down. And I give him an 50Rs extra. )

Guy: Thank you sir (delightedly and it was somehow combined with gratitude that I am not able to place)

And as I was walking back I couldn’t help but think about it. I knew there was a high probability that he might be lying. I suppose all of us have faced such encounters. But what does one do? The first time he mentioned jaundice I knew he wants me to give him some money. And the whole time I was pretending to myself as though I am deliberating, because I knew I am going to give him something anyway.

Have happened many times.

Once I am arriving at the Delhi railway station after a gruelling and boring 2 day journey from Madras and as I am walking out a small school girl, probably 9^th or 10^th standard max, came running to me and pinned our national flag on my shirt. What does one do? Would one say no at the kid’s face?

So many examples like this. Security guards. Most of them I have encountered in my life are really really nice people. But it is a given that it is incumbent on our part to give some money.

What does one do?

Is the conversational affiliation shown only for monetary ends?

The question I am not able to answer is “So what if it is so?”

Besides they come across as really nice people.

Some of them even have the lucidness to frankly ask for money. Isn’t that in a way appreciatable?

May be some of them lie. May be some of them cheat.

The question I am not able to answer is “How do I know?”

What if that money we give ACTUALLY helps them in a genuine way? May be they are not drunkards as we assume. What if it is so?

The question I am not able to answer is “Does the paranoia weigh more than the remote possibility of genuineness”

How much do they expect anyway? 10?20? 50? Leaving everything apart, the morality of the action, the logic of pessimism and everything, is the magnitude of quantum involved here something that bothers us?

We get robbed and cheated almost every day.

Everytime we go to cafe coffee day.

Everytime we go to nalli silks.

Everytime we go to saravana bhavan.

Everytime we buy a Cineplex ticket.

Everytime we buy branded stuff.

Almost every time we do whatever we do in our lifestyle.

But we are never bothered by this fact even though we know it. Of course its self indulgence and we feel that we deserve it. And 10s and 20s and 50s are not even worthy of our consideration is it?

The irony is that we don’t think twice about paying more to people who would probably go and indulge themselves in ways even we don’t. But we think more than twice and end up deciding not to give to people who would probably go and eat a full set meals with that money. Or maybe they will booze.

So what?

Is our point of trouble the fact that these people go and drink locally brewed alcohol while those we paid at malls drink vodka? ( I want to write about boozing. I have so much to argue in that ;) Unfortunately might hurt people)

You know what I do? I indulge them. Primarily because I am not able to answer any of the questions.

Since anyway cheating is a way of life, either we cheat others or others cheat us or we cheat ourselves.

And in this case the best thing is that their momentary gratitude is really gratifying (Though technically it’s my dad who should be receiving it. Lets say it doesn’t matter within family)

Sometimes I wonder whether I am just this common someone who can’t say no. But I am quite capable of saying no. Have said it so many times. Anyway I am stuck in the case of issues where I can’t decide with certainty. Like Asimov’s robot that is given two conflicting orders of equal intensity. In such cases it’s pragmatic to employ the option of least discomfort.

So I indulge them.

Better than buying a silk saree for 10k from Nalli, coming out and bargaining with the guy selling safety pins.

In case you found that male chauvinistic,

Better than buying Lee jeans for 3k, coming out and bargaining with the lady selling handkerchiefs.

The Thread

2009-03-31T23:18:00.003+05:30

The Thread
I started this thinking about permanence. The property of being able to exist for an indefinite duration. That is what the dictionary says about it. There is this cliché which people use all the time that change is the only thing that is permanent. And irritatingly enough that cliché is always, ALWAYS said with an air of maturity , with an authority that proclaims itself to be derived from the most levitating and enlightening of experiences, with pity very similar to that shown by a human to a hurt pet puppy. And I always, ALWAYS feel like saying “Really? Sheesh...man...I never knew”. And I don’t because I have a very pessimistic notion that the sarcasm would be lost on them.

Of course I am not really angry at them. Just miffed by the truth of that statement. And to an extent by the tone of the person which wants to convey the image that they in fact actually enjoy the non-permanence of stuff and it’s the lesser mortals who can’t let go offthe need for attachment. And if the person is not that a hypocrite, he/she is probably a nice person trying to be sympathetic . The only snag being it’s not sympathising. I just hope everyone accepts it someday. There is nothing called consolation. At least we all suck at it. In my opinion the best way to console somebody is just being there for that person and keeping our mouths shut. People don’t realise it but it is highly unfair when somebody tries to underplay the impact or importance of the “lost” thing in an attempt to console. I would prefer to be told “Yes. It was a big thing to you. It must be very hard indeed to face this disappointment. I hope you will take it in your stride” or something like that instead of “It was not that great anyway. It doesn’t matter. There are other things you can get.” Anyway, personally I am always tongue tied in situations like that and I am usually never tongue tied, whatever about me gets tied, it’s never my tongue. But what does one say anyway? I always think that being there is more important anyway. (I know..Self justification. Pardon me)

So anyway I started thinking about it. What is permanent?

Is Saturday permanent? No. It’s just one day of the week.

Is Calvin permanent? No. Bill Watterson stopped Calvin in 1995.

Is health permanent? No. We never know what a test is going to tell us. Heck. We don’t even know when we would be forced to take a test.

Are jobs permanent? No. Its recession isn’t it?

Is contentment permanent? HA HA.

Is happiness permanent? No. Since I “Ha HA”ed to the question whether contentment is permanent.

Are friends permanent? Er. ..er..

Is Obama permanent? Isn’t he the one who talked about the coming of change?

Are our degrees permanent? Hopefully.

Are pups permanent? No. They grow too fast.

Is our childhood permanent? No. We grow faster than pups.

Are our memories permanent? Selectively.

Are our prejudices permanent? Hopefully not. But unfortunately yes.

Are our sins permanent? I think this is too heavy for my blog..You know..My blog is not THAT serious. ;)

Are laptops permanent? I think they have something called batteries.

Are our goals permanent? I don’t think we even know what goals are in the first place.

Are lives permanent? No. We die.

Are corrupt politicians permanent? No. Some of them die.

Is affection permanent? I suppose so. Somebody or the other is expressing it to somebody or the other

Is our affection permanent? Yes. Though for some people the person receiving it might change from time to time.

Are our beliefs permanent? I don’t know. And I don’t know which answer is ideally right, yes or no.

Are nations permanent? No. No comments.

Are continents permanent? No. They silly keep moving and hitting “on” each other.

Is our lifestyle permanent? No. I used to wear diapers and now I don’t.

Ok.. I think I need to stop..I sometimes keep writing because it’s fun talking like this. ;) Anyway my point in this is that almost, almost nothing is permanent. And we don’t feel bad about them all. But some things we wish it to be permanent. Or at least after sometime we think it would have been nice if something had been permanent. But inherently we like permanence in some way. But we like change in some way too. Aspirations, ambitions, wishes everything underlie a desire for change. Some change. Some form. And many a times its probably denied to us, What we wish; What we want; What we desire; What we dream about; What we keep thinking about;

On the other side, “loss” is sadness. Disappointment, loss, disillusionment everything underlie a desire for permanence. And sadly and ironically enough this is probably denied to us too. What we don’t want to change; What we want to hold onto; What we think defines us; What we think is our purpose; What we want to always belong to; What we want to belong to us always;

Yes. Probably nothing is permanent. And we like it sometimes. And we hate it sometimes. But there is a common thread to both these sides of us. A common reaction. A common defence. A common reason to go on. A common need to continue. A common voice that eggs us on.
Sometimes this common thread, as much as we need it, makes us feel stupid to ourselves, makes us look stupid to others, makes us question it, makes us doubt its purpose, and makes us want to stop it. But it holds on.

And for the blessed soul (or should the adjective be wretched?) it’s invincible.

It’s called hope.

Crotons

2009-03-20T21:52:00.002+05:30

Crotons

I love these plants. We have it all around our home. Attractive with their brilliantly colored leaves. I like them very much because in my memory that was one of my first scientific words that I knew when I was a kid. It is that awesome feeling of euphoria when I understand something in science. I don’t know why that is. And that levitating feeling of self accomplishment, though an illuding thought, if possible, was even more pronounced when I was younger. Now am relatively experienced (am 2.2 decades old...sigh) which has enabled me to identify it to be a misleading illusion, a fact that fortunately doesn’t bother me. So what I am saying is that I am a sucker for scientific stuff, stuff like jargons, stuff which I don’t understand, stuff that has more than 2 words that are separated by a hyphen, stuff that are nonexistent but those which would be cool if they do exist, stuff with which I can fool people if explained believably, stuff that helps me win arguments and debates, stuff that are imaginarily wild and fascinating, (I love milk. I always think it would be nice to create genetically engineered cows that would directly give flavoured milk. The cows could even be colour coded. Ok...ok...) stuff that are the livelihood of science fiction writers and other stuff similar or related to all the stuff mentioned above.

And I am more attracted by biology of course. I am a biotechnologist by education. My grandpa is a botanist. My dad is a medical practitioner. A couple of aunts and an uncle are doctors too. Two of my cousins are fully fledged biotechnologists with PhDs and Post Docs. One cousin is a fresh doctor now and another cousin has started his first year in the medical college. Biology is many a times the subject of the dinner table conversations, sofa set conversations, on the floor conversations, travel time conversations, literally any conversation.

So pardon me for finding the following and also making it a point to say it here. The genus we are actually referring to when we say “crotons” is Codiaeum which is a genus under the family Euphorbiaceae. There is another genus called “croton” under the same family actually. The family is a quite famous one. I think the famous poinsettias and jatrophas belong to it. Codiaeum variegatum is the species which we commonly have in our homes.

Have you even wondered how beautiful leaves are? No. Not in a croton. Just plain old green leaves. It makes me almost angry at the fact that very rarely do people look at the leaves. Most of us are too busy going “ooooh” over the flowers to actually appreciate the brilliance and beauty of leaves.

The most appealing thing about leaves to me is their pure functionality. Sustenance. No Frills. No flashes. Simple. Purposeful.

No. I am not demeaning flowers. I am just appalled by the fact that leaves are not getting the acknowledgement it deserves. Leaves are not included in the verses of poems and songs. Leaves are not used as adjectives to the lady love in duets. There are no boards in the gardens that say “Do not pluck leaves”. Nobody picks up a fallen leaf.

No. I think that fact as such doesn’t appal me. What offends me is the fact that it is the very same fundamental reasons which make us do this horrible and apathetic evil in all aspects propagating this inconsiderate bias and blindness leaving victims everywhere and in everything. Not just leaves.

Consider the following. These are some of the common facts, thoughts and opinions that exist among us.

Hardworking people are boring and not adventurous.

Simple people are unattractive.

Loyal people are very predictable and therefore unromantic.

Studious people are mugpots and don’t have an ounce of intelligence.

Emotional people are a burden.

Caring people, a nuisance.

Relatively un-westernised people are morons.

Traditional people are gutless.

Religious people are superstitious.

Non drinkers are people who don’t have fun.

Non party goers are loners. (Possibly creepy too)

People who talk with their parents everyday are childish and un – independent.

Patient people are losers.

People who hope are idiots.

Content people are un-ambitious.

Careful people fear risk.

Cautious people are paranoid.

People without an elaborate hairdo have hair that is unkempt.

And consider the following for a contrast

Intimidating people are confident people.

Bullies are attractive and strong.

Rash drivers are sexy.

Smokers and drinkers are people who are living their life.

Detached people are mature.

Cold people are cool.

People who keep “moving on”, one too many times, are resilient.

People who use others are intelligent.

People who affect smiles and conversations to “build” contacts are career oriented and ambitious.

Whimsical people are independent.

People who are not loyal are victims of misunderstanding.

Liars are humorous.

Flirts are merely extroverts.

People who go abroad are the really capable ones.

People who have unkempt hair have a cool hairdo.

Of course there are so many stereotypes that I cannot possibly write them all here. We all know these. Pity ain’t it?

Goodness doesn't flash. It glows.

Unfortunately, its only flashes that are seen.

I love crotons. They are pragmatic enough to have realised that they would never be appreciated for they are merely leaves and hence, morphed, retaining their true essence, but enough to fool the blind and biased world.

Hoodibaba

2009-03-03T22:28:00.003+05:30

Hoodibaba
I love driving. Many of us do. In my opinion it is a perfect synergy between man and machine. In a bike, the foot changes the gear, the hand turns and accelerates and operates the clutch and the other foot handles the brake and the eyes are scanning for any moron that (sorry...any moron on the road is not worth the same semantic/grammar norms that are applicable for a living thing)might dash from somewhere, the ear keen for any screeching or blazing sound nearby and all the while the mind in its own shell, dreaming, thinking, humming and not in the least bothered with what the hands, feet, eyes or ears are doing.

Bliss.

I have driven my bike so much that I really feel so comfortable when I get on it. In fact the feeling is somewhat near to what I feel when I return home from the hostel or something like that. The other brilliant thing about driving is that I get that time for myself. Not that I can’t stand people. But it is the time I have for myself without me intentionally ignoring anybody. That is awesome isn’t it?

I like driving so much that I keep drawing parallels between driving and literally anything. I am just typing the following pointers with the same style of old adages and sayings that use the word “you” which gives the impression that it is being told to us(the readers) who are younger and naive and inexperienced by the un-inexperienced, un-naive and un-young wise people( the writers or speakers). I personally feel offended by that style. So I am using it here.

If you think you are a bad driver, then you are. So don’t drive.

If someone you know is a bad driver then tell them they are a bad driver. Show your love by driving them, not fooling them.

When you see a pit on your way, slow down. Because if you swerve, YOU are in somebody’s way.

Don’t be in a mad rush to overtake. There is always going to be someone in front of you.

When you are going to turn and change your direction, make clear your intentions.

If somebody is coming with you, consider them.

When the signal is red, don’t intimidate the one who is in front of you to break the law because you want to break the law.

You are allowed to hurt yourself. But don’t hurt somebody else in that.

You are not born good at it. So make a conscious effort.

There will always be someone who is slower than you.

There will always be someone who is faster than you.

Going slow is as seducing as going fast. Choose your own speed.

Enjoy it. You are going to arrive at the end, whatever the traffic.

Wear a helmet. Controlled paranoia is good.

Don’t assume someone is good at it and go with them. You might lose your life.

On the road, assume everybody other than you have no idea what is driving.

If you are in a car, don’t get angry at a biker. As much as they deserve to die, they would, actually biologically die if you do.

If you are in a bike, don’t get angry at a car guy. As much as they deserve to die, YOU would, unfortunately biologically die, if you do.

Don’t imitate. Your own style is the only style that will keep you alive. Single or not.

Don’t keep changing lanes. It might be fun to you but it is irritating and confusing for others.

Accepted you have got a horn. Don’t blow it too often.

OK. That was for fun. And I thought I will have to stop because right now I am being my crapping best and I would go on(especially because I am typing and nobody is there to tell me to shut up) if I don’t consciously stop it.

And it was not about driving. Remember I told you about parallels. Draw them. :)

My bike. Bajaj Caliber 115. I love my bike. I think I have driven some 30000 kilometres on it. And my bike is green. As in the colour of the paint and it is just so lovely. You know, technically I just said something that would make me a hypocrite. Because my favourite colour is black. And if I had got a new bike when I did get that bike I would have got myself a black one. But at that time it looked pragmatic to get a used one and colour, obviously is not a factor in this case. So green it was. It’s almost 4 years now. I was very particular about this model. One thing, I learnt driving in a Bajaj Kawasaki. So I wanted to get one in the same league. And it may not have been a factor, but I loved the ads for my bike. All of them involved a son and his dad. Marketing people should consider it. It’s almost irritating nowadays to see a bike ad where the guy is trying to impress a girl or the girl is automatically impressed with the guy because of the bike. I know all of us are interested in this arena. But come on they are actually insulting us. We have other interests too. Don’t we? (If you said no then way to go buddy!) Well anyway I found the ads more powerful, more attractive and better conceived. (Of course! I own the bike. I am obviously biased. What do you expect? Huh?).

It was a bike when my dad bought it for me. Now it’s MY bike. It is that prejudice that develops over time. I know it gives a lot of problems. I know it has a pathetic mileage. And it’s green! But I just like it. In fact when somebody tells me that they are not able to drive my bike I feel pretty smug about it. Proud of it in fact. I know. Ooops. That revealed my possessive side. Anyway my point is its brilliant that humans (I. We) have this ability to be subjective. I mean. I think about it myself and I wonder about it. It’s an old, second hand, green bike that is performing way below what it should be. But I don’t feel like selling it. In fact it’s not that passive indifference. I actually want to keep it. It fits me.

I think I read this story in one of the chicken soup books. It is about this small boy who goes to the pet shop everyday to look at all the pups. The kid had no money so he would just go there to look. He was collecting money to get his pup. The shop keeper knew him well because he went there every day. Then the day came and the kid got all his savings and came to the shop. But the kid did not have enough money. He was short by some amount. The shop keeper realised this but did not have the heart to tell him that and so decided to see what the kid chooses. If he chooses a lesser breed then he would have the kid have the pup for the money he has. Then he took the kid to the kennel where all the pups where kept. And all the pups came running towards toward excited about seeing somebody. All of them wagging their tails and looking at them. Then one came limping in the last. The pup had some problem with one of his legs (Somehow I didn’t feel like saying “it”. That is for the morons on the road). He couldn’t run. But he was as much excited as the other pups where. He was wagging his tail too. But he was slow. The kid immediately selected him. The shop keeper was a little taken aback. He said to the kid that he would never be able to run and play with the pup because of the pup’s inability. Then he also said that the kid can have the pup for free because nobody else would buy him anyway. The kid insisted on paying. He lifted his pants and showed the steel artificial leg. And he said “I don’t want him to run with me. I want him to walk with me. And he is as much worth as any other pup there. I would pay the remaining amount when I have collected enough”. That was my own rendition of the story. But you get the point right? In this case my bike fits my style perfectly.

Why would I want to get something new when I already have what I need? That is possessing something. When we know that we have it. When we, without realising, use the possessive adjective “my”.

But it takes time. Yes.

“Owning” or “having” is different from “possessing”.

Cure

2009-02-24T21:50:00.001+05:30

Cure

I always think of it as a systemic error.

Evolution , whether fully construed by us or not, is bound to be rational, too rational to the point of being cold, for it saw reason to allow our cognitive processes to develop something as irrational as emotion. It is sheer genius for reason probably justifies the existence of a sense that defies reason. If we do accept Darwinism, the ultimate sanctum of evolutionary theories, namely the survival of the fittest, the capacity to emote should, and is in all probability, be helping the same. I am not sure whether the elimination is caused by the over expression or the lack of it. The whole thing thus depends on the concept of death, rationalised by the fact that it is a logical part of the whole attempt of life, namely the end. Perfectly rational. But the emotional ability bestowed upon the naive and uninformed beings, namely us, is highly insulted and betrayed and left gasping by the outrageous sacrilege, namely death.

I always think of it as a systemic error.

One of them should have a cure. SHOULD.

Death or love.

Language

2009-02-10T21:34:00.003+05:30

Language

Someone: (cheerfully) Hey. What language can u speak in?

Me: (Warily) English

Someone: (Still cheerfully but with a little inquisitiveness) What is your mother tongue?

Me: It is a large bundle of muscles on the floor of my mom’s mouth that manipulates food for chewing and swallowing. It is also one of the organs of taste.

Someone: (flabbergasted) Ok.Smartypants. If you want to act smart then listen to this. I didn’t ask “What is your mother’s tongue?”. I asked “What is your mother tongue”. Holy mother of god! You don’t know what is an apostrophe?!

Me: (With fear smeared across my face) what does my appa’s trophy had to do with it? Stay away from it you thieving someone.

Someone: (Slapping his forehead and looking at the sky) God! Did you say you can speak in English?

Me: (curiously fiddling with a thread hanging out of my shirt) Beats me. Weren’t you listening?

Someone: Do you even know what a rhetorical question is?

Me: (attentively) Are u asking me that question? Do you want me to answer?

Someone: So you do know what a rhetorical question is!

Me: Err...If you say so.

Someone: Okay. Never mind. What other language can you use?

Me: (innocently) Foul

Someone: (exasperated) Are you like mentally challenged?

Me: (curiously) by whom? You?

Someone: Don’t bother. Where are you from? Down south?

Me: Doesn’t “down” and “south” mean the same thing?

Someone: (Rolling his eyes) Yeah. Sorry. So are you from any of the southern states? You look so and your accent seems so too.

Me: Yes Chief Detective.

Someone: So if I have to guess that you are from this particular state where the illustrious political stalwarts politicised the education of the languages, then there is a high probability that you don’t know the national language.

Me: It’s ironical that they confused teaching with preaching.

Someone: (feigned shock) so you indeed don’t know the national language?

Me: (matter of factly) Not exactly Sherlock Holmes. I can manage. And I am learning. But If it has to be binary, then yes, its zero.

Someone: (feigned shock now along with a tinge of anger) It’s pathetic. Why didn’t you learn it like in private tuitions or something?

Me: (tiredly) Do you even study for your semester exam Mr. hypocrite?

Someone: (defensively) How does that come here? You are talking irrelevant stuff. I know the national language anyway.

Me: So?

Someone: What do you mean “so”? I mean...You are unbelievable...One should know his national language. Aren’t you patriotic in the slightest?

Me: Speaking a language makes you patriotic Mr. patriotic?

Someone: Yes. Of course.

Me: Do you know how the states in this nation were formed?

Someone: Err.

Me: (rapidly regurgitating) The States Reorganisation Act of 1956 is the culprit. The act reorganised the boundaries of India's states along linguistic lines.

Someone: ............

Me: The so called “nation” did it. Separation. Why didn’t they silly take a scale and pencil and draw lines on the outline map of India? It would have been far easier. Thankfully now language is not the scale with which one is measured.

Someone: Past is past. We are in the new globalised world. You can’t still keep blaming past mistakes.

Me: Mr. Global, Who has a problem with what? Who is complaining about somebody not knowing a language? Who is confused what patriotism is? Who is undeservingly being self righteously condescending? Who is judging people with what languages they talk? Who is being a hypocrite? Who is practising linguistic nepotism? Who is guessing people’s identity with their accent? Who?

Someone: Yeah. Who is that? Such people are the bane of our nation.

Me: You think so Mr. Nation- well-wisher?

Someone: Anyway, why are you talking about other people? So, how do you manage in a place where they speak this language? Aren’t you alienated?

Me: Alien? As in like from other planets? What does that verb mean? Do they forcibly put antennas on the head?

Someone: What are you talking about?!

Me: (now looking at someone with mild amusement) Would you recognise light hearted humour if it danced naked in front of you?

Someone: Naked? You are being obscene. I am a very patriotic person. And I am a very nice guy too. And I have a lot of friends.

Me: Do you mean to say I don’t?

Someone: I suppose so. You can’t even talk fluently in the national language.

Me: Thankfully many people are not as righteous and patriotic as you are Mr. Friendly. They just judge what the person is, blindly based on the person’s character. I am sure they are terribly wrong. Who would like and love others without making sure they know all the languages that are a must to know? Idiots aren’t they?

Someone: (emphatically) Yeah. Yeah. Anyway I am glad that you are getting along despite your appalling handicap. But you know, on a lighter vein, you don’t get to appreciate the fruits of the film industry associated with the language isn’t it?

Me: (losing interest in the conversation now)I listen to the music and watch some of the movies when I have the company (or subtitle file.)

Someone: But you won’t understand all the lyrics an all isn’t it? That is really sad. You can’t actually fully enjoy it then.

Me: have you seen any French films Mr. Empathiser?

Someone: Nopes

Me: (looking at my finger nails)Korean?

Someone: No

Me: German?

Someone: No.

Me: Malayalam? Tamizh? Telugu? Kannada? Oriya?

Someone: hell no.Why would I want to?

Someone: Anyway, What are you saying?

Me: Nothing Mr. Blind. Have you wondered about how some people who have specialised in something assume that only with what they have acquired can one appreciate the true beauty and worth of the thing they specialised in? Like some science people assuming that art-literature people cannot appreciate the fascination of science. Like some literature graduates assuming that science people cannot appreciate the enchanting beauty of words. Like some cooks assuming that both science and literature graduates cannot comprehend the sensuality of food.

Someone: I actually don’t understand what you are saying. Did you say something about food?

Me: (monologuising) Knowledge is not a prerequisite for appreciating and loving and feeling.

Someone: Yeah. I have always thought so.

Me: really Mr. No-Individuality?

Someone: Ok it is time for me. I have to go somewhere. See you then Mr...?

Me: Mr. Madrasi.

Someone: God! That is an offensive term! You should have some self esteem. You shouldn’t call yourself that. I use that term only when I really want to hurt somebody, like when somebody calls me by an equivalent term or when I am just pissed off with something and I want to spread the bad mood.

Me: (smiling) How nice of you to warn me Mr. Dictionary

Someone: of what?

Me: (Still smiling) That irrespective of the location, irrespective of north or south or east or west, irrespective of the globalisation, irrespective of educational qualification, irrespective of social class, irrespective of the recent past’s economic boom, irrespective of the current slowdown, irrespective of the century, irrespective of anything, people like you always exist.

************************************************************************************
The conversation may be a piece of fiction but the truth remains. There are three people. The explicit regional fanatic, the condescending “friendly” hypocrite and us, who are stuck with them.

Worth

2009-02-07T10:04:00.004+05:30

Noun: Worth

1. An indefinite quantity of something having a specified value

2. The quality that renders something desirable or valuable or useful

I should concede that many a times I am suddenly struck by a mundane thing. Struck me as in gets me day dreaming. Nothing injurious. Symptoms being a completely blank visage, the transformation of the sensory organs into obsolete vestigial masses and systems of cells, hands freely doodling on the notebook and a blissful indifference to the surrounding...er...to the lecture. Most times I am stupid. If you didn’t realise that the last sentence was the disclaimer then you are too. Well coming back to my stupidity, I have so much empty space inside my cranium that I just can waste so much time thinking (well I feel a little guilty for terming the process as “thinking” because “thinking” would have felt insulted. Fair enough actually. But then as I was typing it just came. May be “rambling” would be little more fitting.). The best thing about this is that it helps me to keep myself entertained. That is when I no longer feel entertained by all the things accessible that could entertain (like Wikipedia, comics, novels, movies, games etc). But I always have this backup plan. And the best thing about it is that it requires no external apparatus. And it has an automatic trigger mechanism. For instance one day I had to wear all this rain coat crap because it was raining heavily and I had to go to class.(I don’t usually bother wearing them on the way back home). But inspite of the zipper and bottons I found myself wet. That is highly irritating because I don’t like wearing them in the first place and It silly doesn’t serve its purpose fully anyway. Even when we are using an umbrella our feet and ankle and some inches of the pant above it all get wet. Possibly some parts of our shirt (or Top.I advocate equality. Honest) too. There is no way we can truly escape the rain. And it struck me that it’s probably why we use phrases like “...Shower love...”, “....shower affection...” We can’t avoid being impacted if somebody loves us. No matter how many layers we cover ourselves with something in us is going to get wet. Something will get wet. How we respond to it is not what I am talking about here. My point is simply that there is no way that we can be indifferent to it. Even if its indifference it is going to be a consciously forced indifference which probably defies the meaning of indifference anyway. Probably what I just said was pure crap. May be.

I always say that everything has to be deserved. Well I don’t seriously care about what it actually means but it helps to both justify myself and to console myself. (Say I have done some horribly expensive exam horribly pathetic my mind obviously tries to tell me that there is some chance sticking somewhere that I would clear it. But I tell myself I won’t deserve it anyway. So what’s the point? It helps actually. I don’t even feel that sad about flunking. I know. What I just said is that I not only have the insolence not to prepare for an exam but also that I don’t even feel remorseful or guilty or sad about it. )

But this deserving thing is inevitably done by all of us if I am allowed to guess so. Our minds automatically execute the mental formula that gives a final value of worth.

Is that shirt as good as this one?

Is that job worth the trouble of leaving home?

Is that person worth helping?

Is that person worth getting help from?

Can I pity myself now?

Can I pity that person?

Is this laptop worth the money?

Is this course worth the time?

The most curious thing is that this calculation is so confusing and complicated and subjective we don’t understand it when the same calculation goes on in another person’s mind. That is probably one of the reasons why everyone looks crazy to us.

Consider the following:

Many a times I have found that the guys at the bottom of the grade sheet always have the propensity to “help”. I put that in quotes because that help can be anything including something that may not be help. Taking a Xerox for me. Coming with me to get my cycle puncture repaired. Coming with me to the bank to pay fees. No. I know that sounded nothing unusual. But they do such things when say there is an exam the next day, when, with a high possibility, I wouldn’t have done it for them under the same circumstances. And no I am not great pals with them. But it’s the group of people with whom we share a mutual respect and acknowledgement. But nothing more than that. And they do it for everybody (I am no special exemption or anything). Why would they do it? What worth did they see?

I did this project at a lab during my btech and as it happened there were some 15 people like me who were all given accommodation at the same place. But I was the only one who had to work in the lab that was near the hostel itself and the others had to go someplace else. So even though it’s them who make my buddy group there I am not with them for the whole day. So apart from the lab mates I used to talk with the security guards and cleaners and assistants (because anyway we are the only ones there). I used to have all sorts of conversations with them. Particularly one security guard was my favourite. Possibly he found me likeable too. The weekends I used to go to my relatives’ place and whenever I return back he would always say that it was boring without me there. When I think about it I don’t think anybody ever has told me that.( “All words” ) One day I remember he gave me mangoes which he had got somewhere. (“Bah! Big deal. ).Possibly he gave others too. And then there was this other person who wanted to take a picture with all of us there who had come for doing projects and would be gone in some days. Why would they do it? What worth did they see?

Recently I had gone on this trip to someplace with some friends. One part of the trip involved boating and the shore of the lake where the boats are moored was marshy and muddy. So when we got on the boat the boat guy showed us specifically strategic locations to keep our foot in. And there were these kids there who are probably like helpers to the boat guys and they were basically helping the boat guys. So off we went on the boat. After a couple of hours we returned and one of those boys helped get the boat docked. And one of us got stuck in the mud. And in the process lost one slipper. And in the process of trying to retrieve it lost the other one too. Both the slippers were stuck in the slushy brown dirty mud. They were not even visible. Stuck under. And the person didn’t know what to do. We didn’t know what to do. Then this boy , shirtless and slipper less, nonchalantly walked up to the spot, stuck his hands into that same nauseating mud, pulled out the pair of slippers, threw them at the feet of the owner, then with the same indifference with which we give a beggar a coin, he walked back to the boat. Why would he do it? What worth did he see?

I could go on. And if you had read at least one of my previous posts then you would know that I could go on. And please don’t see what I am saying with respect to poverty or anything like that. It has nothing to do with it.

My point is simply that I (or we, if you relate to my point) would never get to understand others’ formula. So what? Well may be I (we) should sometimes recalibrate our own formulas.

Quite often somebody (like a friend...I should say that I am always very squirmish to use that “friend” word...I am just never able to correctly define it...are classmates friends? Sometimes; some of them; may be; I don’t know ;) says something that hurts. The natural response is to retort. The first thing that comes to my mind is whether that person is worth enough to me to let it pass without me retorting. Obviously with my people I wouldn’t even care because I would know they are as dependent on me as I am on them and whatever they do is out of the right they have on me. I am not talking about them because with them I wouldn’t even recognise it. I am talking about the peer group or whatever we call it. Acquaintances. What do we do? Is retorting worth it? Or is not retorting worth it?

Now compare it with the prospect of putting our hands into mud for a total stranger who is in all possible ways better positioned in this world. Our predominant reaction towards somebody better than us in anyway is probably envy or intimidation or insecurity or inferiority complex or if that person is an "acquaintance", affected appreciation. May be its worth the effort trying to recalibrate.

Many people have this idealistic notion that it is wrong to encourage beggars by giving them money. May be. May be not. But can anyone deny the fact that they don’t feel that slight happiness that comes out of the feeling that we have actually helped someone? May be it is an action arising out of what is called as “survivor’s guilt”. May be that action in some small unintended way shows a condescension that arises out of pity that arises out of our superior position in the scenario which is in no way related to our skills or talents. Yes. But may be that miniscule momentary reprieve that we could possibly provide is worth it.

“People deserve our love most when they least deserve it”. May be it is worth it.

May be those who don’t have are the ones who give because it is probably those who don’t have who know the worth.

Everything i just typed were clichés.

That brings me to my very first point. Things that are mundane suddenly strike me.

It strikes me because I realise they appeared mundane because I didn’t know its worth.

We always get wet in the rain. It’s just that we don’t notice it.

Hypocrisy

2009-01-28T17:03:00.000+05:30

Hypocrisy

Noun: Hypocrisy

1. An expression of agreement that is not supported by real conviction

2. Insincerity by virtue of pretending to have qualities or beliefs that you do not really have

We hate hypocrites. All of us do. The only problem with the statement is one of introspection and metaphysical cognition and other higher things we never understand. Ah.yeah. The problem is only with the understanding part. The problem can be very lucidly expressed. And something that can be expressed can be typed too. And so here goes...Hold your breath. This is the moment..The curtain is going up..The stage is going to be bared...aaaand..Voila!

We are hypocrites.

Ok. Sorry for the hype. Well, am sure you almost guessed what I was arriving at anyway.

(After all everything in this world survives at one point or another through the undeserved advantages bestowed upon it in the guise of distorted perception caused by the exaggeration of its actual nature and value. And I am a student of biotechnology. Ok. Sorry. I was a student of biotechnology: The perennially hyped up area. In fact I remember somebody saying ATGC should be replaced with HYPE. So I am at home with hype. No problems at all. (Well for the uninitiated, ATGC stands for Adenine, Thymine, Guanine and Cytosine, the base pairs in a DNA strand. And because this anyway came up let me warn you. Never believe what a biotechnologist says. Because we are always optimistic and we think anything is possible. So if you can’t resist being naughty and end up having AIDS you are going to die even though biotechnology would “promise” a drug. But we will test on you anyway and if you get suspicious we will just say that you would be helping your children or grandchildren by helping us with the tests that entails subjecting yourselves to our whims that are justified only by our nonexistent knowledge. Ok. Fine. Enough of that. That was for fun. We biotechnologists are really nice and good people. Seriously good people. Though may be a little illuded.))

We have problems with understanding it because we have problems with understanding anything that juxtaposes us with other living-feeling-thinking-beings which have similar problems with understanding. Our antennas which always just work fine just go berserk when they sense a homo -sapien with a similar set of antennas in the proximity.

I am sure empathising and sympathising would always remain elusive skills. In this case practice would only help us to realise that it is so tough that it is almost impossible.

Consider the following.

Noun: Festival

1. A day or period of time set aside for feasting and celebration

2. An organized series of acts and performances

What does the word “festival” brings to our mind?

Fun. Frolic. Celebrations. Holiday. Dresses. Sweets. Phone calls. SMSs. Post card greeting. Electronic greetings. Relatives. Friends. Family. Neighbours. Bonus. Crackers. Cakes. Heavy food. Religious rituals. Tours. Trips. Picnics. Malls. Movies. Restaurants. Gifts. Happiness.

Does the season of a festival bring joy to all, irrespective of the caste and creed and job designation?

May be.

May be not.

To put my question differently, does a festival bring only and only joy to all?

Consider the fact that among the things that I listed above most of them, a vast majority of them, entails the presupposition of the presence of both money and the means to spend. Definitely that is not true. At least it cannot be universalised. (According to Kant’s theory of ethics universalisability is one of the criteria something has to satisfy to be concluded ethical, the other being reversibility. Can you believe it? I learned that in an mba course.)

My apologies for what my point is going to be.

Let’s say it is diwali time and we are all busy getting excited. There are all sorts of offers that are getting advertised on every possible media. Marketers are so skilled that we all buy stuff that we don’t even remotely need. There are exchange melas and discounts and freebies and zero interest loans. In fact when we enter any big store during the festive season we find it filled to the brim with people (So crowded they are that sometimes we will get the delivery of whatever we are going to by only after some days.) The place is so crowded that the sales men and women are literally dishevelled. It’s these people that we bombard with our questions

But never does it strike to us that its festival season for those sales people too.

Electronic shops: What is the price of this? Of that? Of both together? What is selling most? What is the warranty period? When will we get the delivery? Can we test it?

Do those people buy new stuff because it is a festival season? Do they get to change the television because the one they have has become old? Do they get to buy their first colour television?

Apparel showrooms: Can we try the dress? How is the cloth material? Will it shrink? Will it fade? Will it last?

Do they get to try on new dresses they always wanted to wear? Do they get to buy their children the clothes which they find other parents buy for theirs?

Sweet shop: Which sweet is fresh? Do you take bulk orders? Can you pack the sweets separately in 5 boxes?

Do they get to buy gulab jamun? Do they get to give sweets to their family and friends?

Jewellery shop: Is that KDM jewellery? Do you discount wastage? Do you take old gold?

Do they get to buy ear rings for their loved ones? (Er..Pardon my emphasis on ear rings alone..In my opinion ear rings are the best of the varied accoutrements that the female species adorns itself with. And men wearing ear rings is extremely gross because nothing can be more genuinely and brilliantly feminine than an ear ring and men are just desecrating it by wearing it. It is also a desecration when it’s worn anywhere other than the ears. They ARE ear rings after all. Anyway if there is one piece of jewellery that holds its own it is an ear ring. Even without the associated ear an ear ring independently looks splendid. I have a whole lot of opinions about ear rings. I will not be able to do justice if I talk about it here J . If you don’t believe me well then sample this. In my opinion the best ear rings are those which hang. Not sure what they are called. Drops? Or droppings? hee hee Well. Not just anything that hangs. It should not be very big to seem gross but it should be big enough to slightly oscillate when the head turns. So there. I could go on and on. So you better believe me)

**That was to lighten up the conversation, in case you didn’t notice it.

We don’t think any of those (in italics) do we? Sure that doesn’t mean that we are hypocrites. And my point is not about the poverty or the differential spending potential of the population of the different economic strata. No. My point is this.

Festivals are one of the greatest hypocrisies because in the name of joy it sure must be causing discomfort to a lot of people.

Somewhere in the minds of people who cannot buy and spend the way others surrounding them are able to, there must be a little uneasiness and anger at the whole design. Sure that is applicable anytime. But festivals heighten and deepen the perception of the divide.

No. We are not guilty by intention of course. (Since I used “we” It becomes incumbent on me to define it. Well, lets say it includes us who have internet connection and the time to read blogs).

But I am sure this doesn’t pacify the guilt that we feel isn’t it? Very similar to the temporal pang of guilt that we get when a kid wipes and cleans our table in a restaurant. There is no logic to it. There is no spurt of action after it. There is no tangible means to atone for it. There is nothing that can be done. There is no reason.

We do just one thing. We forget it in a minute.

No. That doesn’t make us explicitly bad either. My point is however hard we try we cannot stop ourselves from hurting, from causing some sort of pain to somebody. It is so because we never know how and what and where. It is so because our antennas don’t work. It is so because we have to survive. It is so because the system is vast and complicated.

Most of us agree on right things. We passionately support equality. We claim to be very nice people. We claim to have never hurt anyone. We claim a whole lot of things. (Well for a start we should ask our friends and family about that). The most ironical thing is that even if we actually truthfully honestly wholeheartedly try those, there is no way that it is possible.

It is so because we cannot help but celebrate festivals.

It is so because most of us are innocent.

Sinfully innocent.

Void

2009-01-15T21:16:00.005+05:30

Void
Noun: Void
1. The state of nonexistence
2. An empty area or space

There are a lot of voids that we can bother ourselves with.

There are a lot of voids that we don’t see. (“Of course! Silly! Obviously one cannot see a void. That's is why it is a void isn’t it?” If you just thought that please make sure you talk to me. I am sure I would like you. “Ha! Big incentive!”. Now I am sure you thought that too if indeed you had thought the first one. Did you actually believe it? Gosh! You ARE naive. I was just humouring you. Silly. (see the point? We could have really stupid conversations  ).

There are a lot of voids that we can choose to consciously ignore. But there is a glitch to this stratagem. I know all of us know it but being the masochist-cum-sadist that I am, though I can pull it off as a ruthlessly honest person instead, I am always irresistibly tempted to rub it in. How the hell are we supposed to “consciously” ignore something (imagine me miming the quotes with my hands in the air. I know. It is a highly irritating gesture. But come on, where is the fun if we can’t be harmlessly irritating? Anyway to be irritating in any other way is bad right?) . To consciously ignore something is trying to be brilliantly oxymoronic. Oxymoronic because it IS oxymoronic. And “brilliantly” was used sarcastically. How dumber can it get? My above criticism applies to all such phrases. “Try and forget”, “try to let go” etc. To put it more bluntly, “forgetting”, “forgetting”, “letting go” refer to passive end states. And “trying” is a conscious activity. How can it possibly lead to a passive state? In fact in my opinion the effort would only add to the irony, add to the anxiety, add to the despair. In a way the voids that we don’t perceive (which of course says that we never knew the value of the thing that caused the void and we would never know it either, which is ironic too) are way better than the ones we try to “consciously ignore”.

I fervently advocate attachment. (I would any day have a go at the people who claim that detachment is the first step to spiritual enlightenment. Hypocrites. Even if I accept that it does, what is one supposed to do with spiritual enlightenment? Can it be securitised and traded? If not then thank you very much I don’t want it. Well then this is a totally different area and it warrants a dedicated debate. In fact if my English and writing skills were better I would attempt to write about it...it is like one of those things we would like to be even though we know it is not probably meant to be ) . I keep thinking about it. The phenomenon of missing. I miss somebody because somebody is not near. No. That is not it is it? It is because somebody not being near causes a void. A temporary void may be. Void nevertheless. It is a peculiar phenomenon. Sometimes it is even crippling to the extent of causing an emotion almost near despair. Despair that comes out of the feeling of loss. Loss of all the precious times which could have been spent with our people. Re–living past memories, thinking about the various conversations, of the times spent, of the things done, of the laughter, of the fun, of the sense of belongingness, of the felling of security, of the sense of purpose, of living. These are symptoms of missing. Manifestations of void. One of the most frequent arguments I hear is “ It is stupidity to keep thinking about the past” . But aren’t we defined by our past? It is our memories that makes us what we are. And whoever said the symptoms are sad? It is beautiful. Yes. It does makes one long(ha..that was a pun!) But that is the whole point isn’t it?

I love movies.
(Gotcha! Hee hee)
OK. I do love movies. All kinds. And somehow I feel some of the most moving ones have some element of death to emphasis whatever it is trying to emphasis.( In fact, just now I saw the movie “The lives of others”. Good movie. But somehow someone had to die. I was wishing for the movie to end without anybody dying. But no. And I expected it. Take any good movie. (Yeah..not all of them of course. But the sample space supporting my hypothesis is quite enormous. It would be statistically significant. I suppose an ANOVA would prove it.) Forrest gump, Crash, City of angels, etc (I know a whole lot of movies but somehow they are evading the probing tentacle of my memory..Its funny when it happens, when we can’t remember things we KNOW that we know..Funny brain..anyway) ... any movie in fact. Same thing goes for books too.

Death is the fluorescent highlighter.

And I see the logic too. It does move me. The impact is enormous. The perception of the theme enhanced.
Voids are undesirable. Death probably creates the worst kind of voids.

Doesn’t the very thought scare the living day lights out of us?
That is what is scary about voids. Sometimes they just cannot be filled. Nope.
Being the sadist I am, if given a choice, I suppose it would be preferable to pass into the void ourselves and cause voids in others rather than getting voids inside us. Yeah. That was hypothetical. So chuck it.

May be for somebody not doing a particular job creates a void. May be for somebody not being in a particular building creates a void. May be for somebody being idle creates a void. May be for somebody not hanging out in a pub creates a void. May be for somebody not flirting regularly creates a void. May be for somebody not doing certification exams creates a void. We never know what creates a void.

May be everything has the potential to create a void. But they are probably the kind which we don’t perceive.

Missing people create voids. And they are the kind that we try to “consciously ignore” (or rather think we are forced to do so).

A relationship (ahem..any relationship) that doesn’t create a void (as in whom we don’t miss) doesn’t exist in the first place. If there is something about some people that really scares me (usually I am too thick skinned and numb skulled to even notice that I am supposed to be intimidated) is the casualness with which they handle “some” losses. It’s unnerving. Probably it was never a loss for them. I have been told that it’s natural for people to fall apart. That is the most alien thing I have ever heard. Extra terrestrial. (at least in the movie the alien was cute) May be voids are subjective.

Voids teach one his/her priorities. It is a simple matter of changing the perception rite? Instead of trying to ignore it if only we had the prudence to look at our most troubling voids we automatically know where our hearts lie. And then we only have to revisit our priorities list. Do some process re-engineering. And then “consciously” try to destroy the void. (“Bah! Theoretical idealistic Crap”. Yes. Absolutely. I like typing such stuff because things that are not there are the ones that attract us. Now what was that quote..something like “That which is seen is temporal. That which is unseen is eternal”)

May be we are utterly helpless with some voids. But not all of them. (may be good grades would help. Considering chaos theory and the profound educational syllabus we never know)

I see only one solution. The snag being that the solution takes as its entourage considerable discomfort and irritation and it also demands as a prerequisite certain disregard for the collection of thoughts and emotions commonly termed the “ego”. I am sure it would be a great challenge. How much can one tolerate looking like a fool to himself? So the solution is probably not pragmatic at all. Another Theoretical idealistic Crap. But at least I find it really heartening to know that there is something we could do. Because the most powerful and most dominant emotion caused by a void is helplessness. (I am sure there will be a consensus on that..helplessness is the most irritating of emotions. How many times have we felt it? Helplessness even in the most trivial of scenarios like we being in a bus and our silly bladders finding themselves overloaded, are most disappointing and disconcerting.)

The greatest injustice that we could do to ourselves is letting voids form.
And the theoretical unpragmatic idealistic crap of a solution?

Never let go.

Indifference

2008-12-05T00:23:00.002+05:30

Indifference

Whenever a drink (Pepsi or coke or slice or amul cool) has been consumed a little amount of the fluid gets left behind in the bottle. Possibly due to various reasons such as

1) Pure negligence

2) The bravado of taking the last big gulp in a flash and almost banging the bottle on the table and leaving without taking another look at the bottle

3) Being the offspring of a rich mother or dad that such things are a way of living, not just a cool drink bottle

4) The inner voice that says that it will look really cheap to be seen licking off the last drops off the bottle

Let me now start on the post.

Scene 1:

I am sitting in my room and wondering what to do. Just before that moment I had read Calvin and Hobbes for almost an hour and before that I had read a book, a fantasy novel (Eldest to be specific, the sequel to Eragon) and before that I had been watching a movie. And before that I had been studying for a test and when I was studying for that stupid test I had been cursing and fuming and fretting about me a poor little kid being unable to resist the strong circumstantial forces which had, in some past moment before the whole thing, had made me join a MBA course.

I am sitting in my room and wondering and then I decide to take a nap

Scene 2:

Michael Crichton passed away today. I am feeling bad about it. He is..Was a brilliant writer. And his genre was something that felt like he is just writing for me: science fiction that involves a very realistic extrapolation of existing technology (as far as science fiction goes). After hearing the news I log onto his website. Then I visit discussion forums dedicated to him. I am pretty..well..I suppose I cannot say “sad” because that would be a lie but I am somewhere there.

Scene 3:

I am packing my stuff for my return to the wonderland called hostel. Sorry. That was wrong. My mom and dad are packing my stuff for my return to the wonderland called hostel. My mom has already made checklist and she is ticking off on it. Dad is arranging my stuff inside the bags. And of course I am helping (mostly by not complaining about anything). Mom is asking me to take food and snacks and I am refusing to pack them all because I feel it’s an unnecessary load and already the bags are full anyway. So in the midst of arguments regarding what is essential and what is dispensable, packing goes on.

Scene 4:

I am engaged in a very serious conversation regarding the Mumbai blasts with my friend over the phone. As things usually are, one thing leads to another and it becomes a full fledged dialogue consisting of all tones of speech: Reprehension, Scepticism, Sympathy, Empathy, Anger, and etc etc.all of them revolving around the country, its politicians, its people, and the people’s value system and so on

I am all out for separating India into separate countries. I am putting forth my points supporting it. Very sensible points too..er..ok...they were points..I am not sure of the sensibility part. My friend is telling me that the whole thing is troubling. The discussion leads to topics of death and life or more dramatically put..The relevance of life. At least death seems to escape the need for relevance. And obviously when topics such as these are discussed the next in line is the great evasive enigmatic illusionary Warlord: The Career. I am, as I always do, sticking onto my point that it’s a pity that we allow career to rule our lives and even knowing this doesn’t help. But ironically, it sure does adds on to the feeling of desperation, the feeling that what we actually want in life is going to be always out of reach or something crappy like that. Then I tell my friend a punch line “Life should not be fitted around career. Career should be fitted around life”. I have a propensity to talk like that. And anyway by this time both I and my friend have run of topics to discuss (or rather bore the socks off each other). So we decide to say goodbye and so we say “goodbye” and end the call.

Scene 5:

I am out with my friends to what is called a Night canteen. To eat of course. But it’s more like this daily routine of an extended chat session in the pretext of dinner. The conversation can be classified as just one category: The category that cannot be classified. We are talking about everything ranging from the economy to the resolve it takes to maintain the status quo of being single when surrounded by a lot of peer pressure. But today the topic is predominantly skewed towards the sanctum of MBA: the placements. We are talking about how bad things are and how unlucky we should all be for getting to graduate out of a B school now. I am also complaining about the woes of having to wear formals which I believe to be a real pain. In between we also have a word with the server, who by the way is a kid, regarding the discrepancy of the side dish that had been served. Then the conversation goes on. As is the routine after the parathas we all decide to have some cool drink and then we start walking away after paying the bill, still talking.

Scene 6: Immediately after scene 5;

The kid who served me the food is busy. He is so engrossed in what he is doing.

He is so involved in it that he is totally indifferent.

Indifferent to education

Indifferent to the economy

Indifferent to India

Indifferent to Bombay

Indifferent to bombs

Indifferent to Tata Nano

Indifferent to Pakistan’s Infiltration

Indifferent to the fact that Adiga had won a Booker

Indifferent to the fact that he is wearing shabby clothes

Indifferent to Obama

Indifferent to career

Indifferent to pay packages

Indifferent to the westernisation of culture

Indifferent to Malls

Indifferent to the lack of Pizza shops in the campus

Indifferent to the next quarter results

Indifferent to the difference between Gross and CTC

Indifferent to the fact that Daniel Craig is not as suave as Pierce Brosnan

Indifferent to the fact that he does not have a resume

Indifferent to the fact that Potter gets to marry, of all the people, Ginny

(I am cutting this list short..Please feel free to continue the list in your mind)

The reason behind this appalling apathy and indifference is pretty apparent.

He is busy.

He is carefully collecting the small amounts of the drink that are residing at the bottom of the bottles we left behind in the previous scene. He is collecting them in a single bottle. Very meticulous. Not letting a single drop flow out in the process. So proficient he is in the task that at the end he has almost 30 ml. A whole 30 milli Litres of Slice. He seems pretty smug about it. He is happy. He drinks it.

Indifferent to the fact that he could be (and is) seen doing it.

Scene 7

I feel slapped.

The way

2008-07-26T19:54:00.005+05:30

"Way".I got fascinated abt this word quite suddenly when it struck me how frequently we use it, even if not in words,definitely in thoughts
Whats the way to happiness?
whats the way out of this mess?
whats the way to look at career?
whats the way to love somebody?

or more seriously,

Whats the way to the toilet(in a new building say)
Whats the way to woo that hot girl(or guy,depending on what u are..no pun intended..) over there?
Whats the way to wipe that mud off our shoes without anybody noticing?
Whats the way to resist the urge to pick our noses, which inevitably surfaces only when we are in a group?
whats the way to fart without making a sound?(..and please dont deem this example to be gross..afteral...its biology :) )

WAY

Its everywhere. We need it everywhere.

And i specifically want to turn this post into a boring one. That was the disclaimer incase u didnt recognise it. Its ur chance to stop reading.

I am gonna start off with a very peculiar thing. My opinion about cats.gotcha! i know u didnt expect anything like that did u? ha ha..beware of sankar..And no..please dont tell me that u thought of the mba cat incase u had indeed thought abt the mba cat...EWWWWWW...yuccckkk....am a biologist/..or atleast an life sciences enthusiast and dont make me guilty of even a possibility of making someone think that i would write abt mba...good riddance!! ok..now that i had cleared that part up..lets continue...

Cats..scientific name : Felis catus (just so u dont get a feeling that u hv wasted ur time at the end...here is ur guaranteed takeaway... the scientific name of cats.. and the scientific name, in scientific terms is called Binomial nomenclature.. note that the first word is the Genus name and it starts with a capital letter and the second word is the Species, starting with a small case)

I always thought of cats as this cunning animal. Partly due to the fact that it annoys me to see something that struts around with so much authority. And mainly due to the fact that it chooses its master. or ive felt so. A cat never comes near when i call it.wen i want to take it and cuddle it in my arms it just gives me a stare, full of condescension, ridiculing this stupid insticnt to show affection. But it does come to me.Sometimes. When he/she feels like it. He/she comes and rubs on my legs. or sumtimes just lie down in my proximity. Almost telling me, "hey dumbo...here i am...if u want to show affection, then u can do it now...u can pat my head or rub my belly...".

And so i do. Technically speaking i should probably think , "oh..now u want me is it? now u need me to give u food is it? and that day u just walked like a king?like u dont need me? hah...now il sulk..why the heck should i do things for u? why should i pat u, wen the other day, i not only not wanted you to do anything for me but only wanted to just pat u" .....

But no...I dont think that do i?
Why? May be because its just an animal.

Now i am gonna say the thing thats gonna make this post boring as I promised.

EXTRAPOLATE what I just said.

Extrapolate it into real life- human-relationships....

We would think exactly the way i said.We would sulk.

Realise that, first of all, we dont qualify to think like that all the times and defintely not with all the people.When have we not wanted anything in return but only to show affection,( or coz that phrase "show affection" is a litte heavy..may be il say..hmm.."rub the belly"..ok..no...that seems vulgar out of context...how abt "pat"...thats cool enuf)
so,
When have we not wanted anything in return but only to pat somebody... ( i know..am cunning..i just managed to say that twice and rub it in...incase u get offended, i am rubbing it in for myself too)

the answer is quite simple. NEVER.

And oh yeah...just coz i dont sound too lenient on ourselves... The answer "never" was to the question whether thers any instance of us not wanting anything but only to pat somebody...this question assumes that we actually indeed pat somebody the first time all on our own...and i suppose thats a wrong assumption...(and no...am not generalising...and am not blaming or alleging either....i say this coz, the beauty of this thing am talking abt is such that, we ALL think that we show great affection on others or our dear ones, and that its we , who have not been reciprocated to...)

My next point started from within that parenthesis. Expectation. And thats our inborn norm. and all of us know abt it. that we cant escape it either. So lets not brood abt it and just go ahead and accept it.that we expect.that we need to be loved back. that we need to be made feel belonged to. that we want our "patting" to be reciprocated. ok.thats that. lets catch the cat again.

So in the Cat and the Human, this problem doesnt exist. or lets say, the human just loves, just shows affection, just pats,without requiring it back, without feeling insecure.

So what am I saying? that that human(with the cat) is an idealist? the perfect lover?(and puhhhleaaasseee "lover" is anybody who loves..not necessarily someone who loves someone of the opposite sex and near his/her age ) that he/she is impossible?

WRONG.

we have them. All of us have them.

and we call them MOM and DAD.

And i havent yet said the most toughest part yet.
In the case of the cat and the human, the human doesnt really need anything back. the human doesnt expect the cat's love that much. so that human is being the perfect lover easily.

But mom and dad,they are being the perfect lovers, the most hardest, most toughest, most whateverst way.
They expecct. They want to be loved back for the love they shower. They want to be patted too. They want to be simply loved too. YET. They hide it. They kill it.
i read somewhere that the most toughest thing is not being a fountain of affection, spurting whever we feel like it, but being a well of affection, giving whenever its asked for.

and why do they do it?

so that we can guiltlessly be the cat.

I know, u would be tempted to deny that. but isnt it true? we let everything rule our lives. we go from place to place. We live far away from our parents.Career demands it i suppose.Some other city.Some other state. Some other country. And we come back, whenever we could.(we need to make a living too. I am not blaming. I am not saying anything of that sort. i am merely poiting out the irony)
And we come back to the place called home whenever we could. And whenever we do that, we are acting the cat. No.Not with the intentions of the cat. And i sure dont know the intentions of the cat for either..Am just comparing the behavior,which looked at objectively, is the same..)(PS: cat lovers,mba aspirants and alike, please dont kill me...i do like cats..infact,if u notice,i am saying that we are like cats..)

But you know the brilliant part of this all. We do realise something. Deep down. "The Way". and thats probably we dont feel guilty abt it.

Ok. May be ive been a pessimist of sorts by not mentioning anybody other than parents. but then thers a reason why the love of the parent is the golden standard. And as i see it now, may be the reason is this.
May be, if we are blessed, we'l have parents in the forms of friends and siblings and family too.

Oh..I didnt mention "The Way".

One way and sometimes the only way to love somebody is allowing ourselves to be loved by them.

Illusions

2008-07-02T22:48:00.005+05:30

Illusion:(Noun)
1.An erroneous mental representation
2.the action of deceiving
3.the state or fact of being intellectually deceived or misled
4.something that deceives or misleads intellectually
5.perception of something objectively existing in such a way as to cause misinterpretation of its actual nature

Well well well.. illusion seems to be something bad and evil and a must-avoid-thingy.
infact the pejorative nature of the word seems intuitively perceivable.

NO.

My purpose here in this post is to consecrate that word.

Lets start.shall we?

(w)(h)ole
The fact that the blog is basically "read" and not heard, has incapacitated me from fully perpetuating the confusion i actually wanted to cause.
Please imagine that u actually heard the word.(am sorry if u r unable to imagine..but i suggest u take a break from watever job or study that you are doing , go for a vacation with your family and read some comics)so now that you have imagined hearing the word, I expect you to get confused regarding what you just heard..was it "hole" or was it "whole" (am sorry again if you are unable to get confused..but i suggest you read a book or two from the shelves of "self improvement" or "philosophy" category from a book store)

so now that u have sufficiently imagined and confused, i shall take a chance and come to my point.

The first thing i want to stress is the point of confusion. Not just in this word.Lets put aside for a moment, that among the two ways of interpreting (again putting aside the 3rd way and the other ways of increasing orders) one way seems optimistic and the other pessimistic. Oh this is just to purposefully coincide with the cliched and well known concept of duality, of yin and yang, of black and white. As long we dont have "the" confusion, we are pretty much clear on what we perceive, which pretty much solves our side of the issue, for being on the yin or yang side of it is just actually the interpretation of it, the post mortem, and not the cause or root or reason.

The problem is with the confusion.
Where are we actually if we get a doubt regarding what we just saw or heard or experienced?
are we black or white when we get a doubt whether it was hole or whole?
We are in effect preventing ourselves from placing us.

No.thats not what we are doing. We do place ourselves but then do the postmortem ourselves and then we go back on our stance, claiming confusion.

The reasons of this can be multifarious and multipronged.(constipation might be one
too..we never know...what with chaos and butterfly effect and all..)

But the main point i want to make is, we are indeed aware of that fact,that we sumtimes hide things from ourselves. And the not-so-main point here is that we do that probably only when what we experienced clashes with our in built-stubborn-framework that combines our idea of the world at large and our idea about ourselves(ok..that was boring...my apologies...note here that i am not contrite about it..am merely being diplomatic)

So when we vehemently denounce illusions and uphold accepting the elusive "reality", we are, ahem, being hypocrites.

infact, we NEED illusions.

Everytime i take my bike out through the gates,
I have an illusion that accidents happen to others and not to me.
I have an illusion that as long as i drive carefully, i am safe.
I have an illusion that people(girls) dont really expect(like) all young guys to drive fast and sexy.
I have an illusion that they way i drive is not really a factor by which i can impress somebody.
I have an illusion that driving is a matter of ethics and self discipline and other related stuff
I have an illusion that all the drivers acknowledge the fact that any of their stunts, that can lead to a succesful suicide can also lead to a successful murder.

Just a simple act of driving a bike carries behind it so many illusions.
Infact i am sure that if we start counting the number of illusions that we have..
oh..ok..sorry for the generalisation...
Infact i am sure that if I start counting the number of illusions that I have it would need another illusion to hide that.

just so this post doesnt become too cliched i am not going to enumerate the examples of illusions that we(..oh..sorry again...)i have in almost every aspect of living the 21st century life ranging from career to relationships to cell phone battery life.

Infact we get sad or morose or lachrymose or disappointed (or snappy or sarcastic or reticent too) when we get "dis-illusioned"....i think a more technical word would be "cognitive dissonance"
and i have a suspicion that the time we take to come back is actually the time we take to either rebuild the same illusion again or conjure a new illusion.

am sure the dogs and pups, wen talking among themselves would hv so much fun talking and wondering about us...

In a nutshell, illusions are our shield, our immune system.

illusions? yeah..bring them on..i love them.

Illusions help us in retaining our sanity, paradoxically, by allowing a little insanity.

Alternate Universe

2008-03-13T00:27:00.001+05:30

i know this post arrives like a cough from an otherwise lifeless biochemical organic mass,i mean ,a body, that puts everyone who happen to notice it by chance or looking at it with pity into a sudden confusion whether the comotose state of it is a sure precursor to the heaven( or hell..depends upon the observer's moral framework of judgement) or may be its not so sure a sign.
well.i cant say anything about it because as i said, its a cough and i dont know its implications either. but wat i can do say is that, a cough, is involuntary and spotaneous.

Well, why i want to write this, i have no idea.
what i expect out of it, " (ditto)

but one reason is that wat i am gonna say here is related to words. so its just this inherent curiosity to see how this comes out.

I used to read comics till i was 10 or 12 i guess. ofcourse i still read comics. its just that till that turning point , i read ONLY comics.
i know, i am little slow. wasnt an avid reader when i was innocent.
Only wen the childish innocence abandoned me, i started reading books.
ofcourse, this is in retrospect. so pardon the overlaying of judgemental opinions about age, life, etc etc.

so one of the doubts ive got now is whether this metamorphosis from a child to an adult, from innocence to intelligence, is abetted by reading books.

(please note that the word intelligence was used with not fully a glorifying intent. and ya..note "abet" too)

now now. dont hit me yet, if u are a book lover. coz i love books too.that was not my argument to refrain u from hitting me. it was just the beginning of my reasoning. u can hit me at the end.

my first argument. Reading books, ive realised , enables one to exactly , accurately, describe THE emotions. And by describing i didnt mean describing to others. but describing to self. i mean, wudnt it be just nice not to understand ourselves sumtimes? i mean, ofcourse we dont understand ourselves ..but am speaking abt the other aspect of the cognitive process.

one reason is that being able to put words gives forms to unformed things. which i sumtimes think are best left unformed. but ofcourse, this can be attributed to many things. but i just thought il use my evil tendencies to put the whole blame on books.
And this is true.After the myriad of characters and emotions and everything we hav read about, its inevitable that we draw parallels and if possible perpendiculars and circles and hyperbolas too.

(and by books i refer to the words of the people who have written them)

my second argument:And hey, it IS really pissing off to read sumthing that reflects what I am thinking. am sure u would agree.And i would kindly request you to refrain from refuting me in case u dont agree.(because its no use really..i mean, am typinn this now, and the best u can do is write a comment, and i dont think itl be read coz this post being read itself is sumthing. and ofcourse. i can delete any comment. :) kidding..just kidding ) i mean, reading sumthing that reflects wat i am thinking is like adding salt to the wound or pepper to a burn or heat to a cut..ok ok...i was just emphasising the point..
i mean..il giv u an instance...say i like a serial or say a book series very much..say..harry potter...so am sad that it has ended...and so in that depressed suicidal mood, i think of raising my spirits by reading a poem...fair enuf? so i take this book of poems and think ..hmm...robert frost...a romantic poet...wat can be better than a poem abt nature and its beauty?..so i flip to robert frost..and i then i get this...

"Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay"

Oh come on.The depth and breadth and everyother dimension is all well appreciated. but seriously...what purpose did it serve me? it did wat i described above as adding pepper to a burn. and more than that. it gives form to the theme that underlied the sadness. i didnt want that did i? all i wanted that silly poem book was to give me sumthing to feel happy about.

my third argument: All works that depict sadness, that analyse and dissect and experiment with the reasons of miseries, are in my opinion, doesnt serve any useful purpose from the cosmic point of view ( i could have said " ..are in my opinion, evil works of satan"..but then, am not that aggresive a person and anyway i like euphemism). seriosly, what do we get out of such works? and the irony is, such works receive phenomenal success. I know, even i am tempted by works that claim deep characterisations etc etc (i, too have read ayn rand .hee hee). but wat is the point? shouldnt everything be just blindly narrowed upon happiness? i know that the human mind doesnt permit it. Thats the brilliance of it. We, as humans, want to perceive and face "reality". i mean, first of all, reality is an illusion ( as neo says "there is no spoon" ) and its surprising why we humans consider sadness to be directly related to reality. this is true, think about it. How many times have we heard the sentence either told to us or sumone "try and face the reality" when something has gone wrong or about to go wrong. this is probably , in my opinion, one of the reasons why sad, remorse,philosophical, deep ( see, i used the words philosophical and deep with sad and remorse..just in case u didint get my point til now) works become a succes is that, we humans feel that by reading them we are readying ourselves, making ourselves more mature, etc etc. and its also probably in my opinion, because of our inherent likeness to control. we want to control our future. we anyway like the concept of control (am not making this up...this is a well recorded psychological concept..infact one conclusion is that humans relate happiness to control..and since this is not a scientific journal..am not giving the bibliography..).
but the whoel point is, we can never truly control anything. we can never know whats reality. and so on and so forth. so the only things these "deep" books serve is to give us a goggles through which we assume to see "the truth" of things, which means, it only helps us to see in a more cynical and skeptical and futile way.oh ya. infact, we think that we ought to think like that. Afteral we have read "deep" books aint we?

my fourth argument: ya. there are a lot of stories that exude happiness. but there is a snag in this too. this gives us a goggles that makes everything rosy and beautiful and pretty and innocent. False hopes. Its worse than the above phenomenon aint it?

(goggles :(noun)Tight-fitting spectacles worn to protect the eyes. See. Its tightfitting. No scope for seeing from the sides or removing. This is a popular
psychological observation too.Once we have an experience, we are thereafter unable to see the world as we did before)

seriously. imagine reading..hmm..say a james herriot...he speaks about a loving and caring wife, smart children, brilliant and eccentric colleagues, a job involving cuddling dogs and cats...siiiiigghhhhhhh....i mean....u get the point right? what if i get sadists and psychopaths for colleagues? ( sorry..comparison refrained to the colleagues and work part only...) having read abt james herriot in this scenario is actually not exactly a fortunate things isnt it?

so wats my point?
READ COMICS. :)
i mean....i think, at this point, that reading comics and fantasy is the only thing worth reading.Because these create an alternate world where i can find only amusement and happiness. There is no scope of comparing or extrapolating it to the so called "reality".
What else do i need from a work of an author? pleasure.
no. pleasure with no side effects.
and the funny part, now after so much introspection and analysis, i have concluded that i like reading only comics and fantasy..oh..i missed the funny part..the funny part is, this is exactly wat i was doing wen i was 10 years old.

il tel u an example why i am right.
"when life gives u a lemon. Make a lemonade"
this is the typical, deep, philosophical, spiritual, "reality-promoting" sentence.

and calvin says " If life gives u a lemon,Fling it right back at it"

is it silly? is it impossible? Is it escapism? is it cowardice? is it unphilosophical? is it "unreal" ?

well...i wont argue with u. my simple point is,
i feel immensely,tremendously, truly happay and confident hearing what calvin said.

The first sentence? naahh..its pathetic.atleast relatively.
do u defer?

if shakespeare says "all the world is a stage".....
I,Sankar Deivanayagam, DEMAND AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE.

Warmth

2007-08-25T00:57:00.001+05:30

A solitary single word.The erroneous use of two similar adjectives was to put across my desire to emphasize the fact that it is indeed a simple,small collection of letters. Though of course,the emphasis on this fact was not for its sake but to convey without saying that the word contains so much within it.(But now that i explained it reveals the fact that am sometimes paranoid.Never mind that).
So what comes to our minds when we hear this word?Warmth. The answer is : A lot.
And the beauty is that what comes to the mind is not very easily describable. Its like one of those things which we know what exactly it is,but cant be put down in words.So you are justified in questioning the point of this post. Well,hold on. Am coming to it. At least trying to.The above line was just the disclaimer. Incase at the end,u felt that i havent conveyed anything,then i request to realise that you cant express any critical remark about it,for you have crossed this disclaimer.

I was once lost in Delhi,with good reason though as i dont speak hindi,and this person,comes to me and asks smilingly whether i need any help.

I was once in my college,confused over something, and this friend,reading me like a book hugs me with words,telling me certain things that i hear even now.

I was once visiting the home of a friend's friend,and this friend's friend says that he is so happy that i am there, with the friend's friend's mom pampering me to eat.

I was once lying sprawled on the road as my cycle skidded,and this old woman,picks me up and as she dusts me off,scolds me for not driving carefully.

I feel immensely guilty now ,for the list is so immensely big and am cutting it so short.(Er..well.,it seems blogs has to be short)

Anyway..in all the above instances,the common thread,that runs through,binding them to me,is the Word.
There are so many souls around us,beautiful,caring,honest and truthful.There are so many souls around us,Warm.

The word itself makes one feel secure.Whatever the trouble,whatever the sadness there are always the hope givers around us.They don't specifically try to give hope. Its none of their business. But the beauty of it is that, their very existence gives one hope.
I look at a warm soul and i cannot help feeling elated;feeling safe;

Sometimes i wonder, what drives them? Why do they do it? How do they have this dazzling smile on their face always? How do they manage to make others so comfortable,from total strangers to totally possessed?From where do they get their constant sense of humor?How do they feel secured? How do they feel so self assured?

and i think i have figured the answer to all the above questions. The answer is that they know that there are others like them,around them,sharing the same traits like them ,tolerating the same loads,giving hope.

One important implication of my above statement is that they know what they are.Yes.I believe that.Nobody is a natural. Whatever one is, it is by conscious choice.And that is the brilliance of the whole thing,for these people know that there is always hope, as there is always someone around to give that.

And these people automatically create a sense of love and care,that it is tough not to feel the inherent desire to reciprocate them.

I now wonder,why i wondered about the meaning of sentences like "she had warm eyes"

Warmth is that against which other souls cuddle up.

Explanation

2007-08-20T19:38:00.000+05:30

Due to the sudden emergence of certain intangible assets,the post that was posted here has been withdrawn as applicable by the laws of command.