Sanctuary

Sanctuary

1. A consecrated place where sacred objects are kept

2. Area around the altar of a church for the clergy and choir; often enclosed by a lattice or railing

3. A shelter from danger or hardship

A shelter from danger or hardship. The third meaning is what instinctively comes to me whenever I think of the word. Besides I had no idea about the second one. And me being someone who claims to like biology as a subject and who had also liked geography when he had it as a subject in his schooldays (I think the last sentence is kind of wrong. Using third person reference to myself. Is it grammatically correct? Anyway it was pleasurable. So I am going to let it be without referring to Wren and Martin) the first words I associate with the word “sanctuary” are “bird”, “tiger”, “lion”, {*.animalclass. }

The first time I actually got interested in the word was after watching the movie “Lemony Snicket’s A series of unfortunate events”. Brilliant film. Brilliant cast. Brilliant Jim carrey. Brilliant theme. May be the story as such and the screenplay had elements of fantasy in it, but the essence of the characters were tangible enough for the concept of the movie to get through our ..ahem...my thick skull. The movie was about how we can build our own sanctuaries, wherever we want, whenever we want, where we can be safe and warm.

That was a long time ago. A lot of movies ago.

Then it struck me one day. In the most unexpected place. I will get to it. So after that it kept coming to me now and then. Of course all out of context but somehow it was related, out of context or not. It happens you know, like sometimes something unrelated comes to our mind when thinking about something. But I suppose it is not always off tangent though it might seem so. There is always some link, some obscure thread joining them which by itself would make a lot of sense. Like a metaphor. I suppose it sounds weird but yes what I am saying is that sometimes the metaphor would be tangible while how it builds the meaning of the target concept may not be so. (In terms of Tamizh grammar I am saying that the “uvamai” may make sense but how it relates to the “uvameyam” may be clouded.) But the real ingenuity of our mind is exhibited in the fact that this seemingly unrelated comparison is actually conjured up by itself which is undeniable proof that within its (that is, the mind’s) context it should be making sense somewhere, linked by something in its collective memories, opinions and logic.

Getting up suddenly in the middle of the night for some reason and recognising my home’s bedroom

Some random stranger telling me, while I am driving, that my bike’s stand is up

A professor telling me exasperatedly that it’s high time I realised the importance of aesthetics.

A friend, telling me, when I unintentionally put everyone in an silly situation and apologised for it, that it’s not needed because they know that I don’t mean harm

Getting wished on my birthday.

The unexpected, sudden dawn of appreciation for the lyrics of a familiar song

Somebody feeling exactly the same way I do about something

Somebody feeling exactly the opposite about the same thing but agreeing to my point for my sake

Crying for a scene in “I am Sam”, “Forrest Gump”, “The bucket list” and so on (there...there...I caught myself)

Happening to see a deaf and dumb couple, happy, smiling and talking affectionately to each other in sign language, while I am walking back home on a cloudy day.

Close ones imitating me

Missing somebody

I don’t know whether the list made any sense. It doesn’t, completely, to me. But these are just random things that I associate with the word.

It came to me on a train journey. I am travelling alone with home as the destination. I am having this side berth with a curtain. Long journey. Afternoon. Everybody in the compartment seems asleep. I close the curtain. I am sitting, my head propped up on the pillow. Book in my hand. Music in my ears. The A/C compartment’s tainted glass is coloring the sun light yellow. I am having no meaningful thought in my head, but in a moment, I felt my mood soaring, a feeling of contentment that comes from smug satisfaction infusing through my semi asleep consciousness, a feeling of safety that everything is fine with this life and the world. I am going home and everything else merely details.

Sanctuaries are all around us in the form of friends and family and good hearted people and beautiful things.

Envy

It is one of those bad days. Nothing goes right. Probably because my head didn’t turn up the right way when I got up from the bed, after the revolutions it goes through in my dream world. (No. I am not talking about the movie inception. Yes. I liked it a lot. But it’s not about it. Sorry). And may be tomorrow morning everything will look all sunny and that future me would scoff at the present me for being lost. Happens.

Getting splashed with refreshing brown water by a lorry.

Getting stressed at work.

Feeling irritated for not having time to do simple things like reading a novel.

Questions about the purpose of getting up and doing whatever I have to do today.

Getting lost.

Feeling lonely.

That is enough. You get the idea.

My usual antidote is comics. Works like a dream. Nothing puts things in perspective like a good comic strip.

Today its Calvin and Hobbes. And I am suddenly overcome with this enormous sense of envy.

I envy you Calvin.

I think there would be no bad days if we have someone so close that the person goes through the same things and feels the same things and relates to us completely. I think the sheer camaraderie and the pleasure of shared experience would make everything else mere details.

I wish I had my own Hobbes.

Sati

Sati

This is impromptu. I usually blog when I have something concrete to talk about . Even though it may not be fun for others, its amusing to catalogue points in favor of a personal view point. (Pardon me for the explicit egoism...it sometimes slips you know...)

Don’t know why I suddenly thought about it. The sati thing.

It just struck me, that though the wife was the victim in the sense she was made to lose her life forcibly, there is this element of moral freedom about it. Now before you start hitting at me, just listen to the entire thing.

Disclaimer: I have no idea how it was done. I am not saying anything to demean anything or any person. The scenario I am talking about might be actually fictional (if that’s not how it was)...So I have used “might” and words like that everywhere possible so that you get the picture that I am not claiming anything to be true/right/ethical/etc. And I am not a male chauvinist. (Thought it’s safe to say that...No idea how people construe something...I guess understanding is subjective right?)

Assume...ASSUME...that the societal set up was that way and the husband or the wife or whoever involved couldn’t do anything to stop it. Assume that when a man dies it’s a given that his wife would be killed too.

In that scenario may be amongst all the feelings of injustice and fear and anger, the wives might...MIGHT ...have felt a small miniscule thing of calmness that comes with the surety of moral uprightness. They might have known that they are being murdered for no fault of theirs and even in that state of extreme trauma and frustration at the sacrilege of human life none of the negative emotion would have been directed at themselves.

The husband, say, who might have been lying on his death bed, sick and wasting away, amidst his fear of losing his precious life, also has to go through the guilt of going to be the reason for his soul mate’s death too.

Imagine that.

Dying and knowing that the death is going to kill his loving wife.

Dying and helpless to stop his own death or his precious’.

Dying and frustrated at his own weakness, a weakness that is killing him and will kill another life too, a life that is going to lose its right to live because it chose to love and live with him.

Dying and realizing that everything he has cared for, himself and his family, would in all essence, cease to exist.

Dying and failing to see some scope of feeling resigned to the fate.

Dying and killing himself with thoughts that shift and mix between anger, fear, frustration, helplessness and affection.

Dying.

Just imagining that is scary.

Madras

MADRAS

Someone: Man. How do you live here?

Madrasi: Er..essentially by eating, breathing and sleeping…Do you live by something else? Energy pills?

Someone: huh

Madrasi: Coming to think about it, that’s how I live even when I am not here

Someone: I am talking seriously dude. I mean. I can’t stand it.

Madrasi: Stand what? Me living?

Someone: No. Living here.

Madrasi: You can’t stand me living here? Now why would u do that?

Someone: Crap. Why would I care about you? I am talking for myself. I can’t stand living here.

Madrasi: Tried dying here? Were you able to stand that?

Someone: Enough of this rubbish madrasi. You know what I am talking about.

Madrasi: Seriously. I am clueless. Tell me cant you? What is it that you hate it here?

Someone: Don’t even get me started dude.

Madrasi: I insist. Do you have an ignition key?

Someone: What?

Madrasi: Never mind. So tell me.

Someone: Man. What to say. I mean. One thing, this place is very conservative.

Madrasi: Please. Define it for me. Piece by piece.

Someone: er..I mean...er…hmmm…I mean…

Madrasi: Making a statement without even understanding what it means amounts to despicable hypocrisy. And when that statement is an allegation, it amounts to apathetic malice.

Someone: Fine. I tried to be nice.

Madrasi: By being dumb?

Someone: You are asking for it man.

Madrasi: Yes indeed.

Someone: First of all, there are no pubs here

Madrasi: What? There are soo many gorgeous pups here..anyway you have not even seen any dogs here? How do you think they came about?

Someone: PUBs. P – U – B.

Madrasi: Ofcourse there are pubs here. Are you blind too? Must be tough man. Being dumb and blind. You can neither get a clue nor see one. Sad.

Someone: Really? Name one.

Madrasi: Er..What’s that..Something about barrels going on bikes or something like that.

Someone: Yeah. May be. One or two. Here and there. Not many pubs.

Madrasi: You want a pub in every street?

Someone: Same thing with discos etc

Madrasi: Are you saying that pub and discs are like a basic necessity that every human should have access to? Like education and healthcare? Man. You are a humanist.

Someone: Look. What I am saying is, even when there are many pubs here people won’t go to them

Madrasi: Did you take a survey?

Someone: It’s pretty apparent

Madrasi: And you are not able to stand that? You feel irritated to be among people who are not even using their access to pubs?

Madrasi: Why does it bother you anyway?

Someone: I don’t know. I just feel irritated by the fact that people are not living their life.

Madrasi: er...right…

Someone: And this place doesn’t even have a night life..

Madrasi: like bats and owls?

Someone: That mall? It closes down at 930 10 man.. What kind of a mall is that?

Madrasi: Don’t the people who work there need to get home, sleep may be? I am sure there are many other places which are open a little late

Someone: Whatever. But it’s scary right? If everything starts closing down.. I mean…

Madrasi: So you want others, who are not living their life, who don’t have a night life, who don’t go to pubs, to be awake and running about so that you, who is living life and having a night life can feel safe?

Someone: er...

Madrasi: why should people who are traditional to the extent of almost being uncivilized in your eyes do things which they have no intention of doing so that you are comfortable? Why are the obligated to you?

Someone: Fine. Look at my friend. Most of the times he likes being home, spending leisure time on even a WEEKEND. Can you believe that? Losers man.

Madrasi: Being home is losing? And besides what makes you qualified to comment about somebody’s preferences? At least they don’t expect others to do things so that they feel comfortable roaming around at 1 Am.

Madrasi: Anyway are you like totally lost. So many people are out there on weekends. Movies , beaches, eat outs etc

Someone: Whatever. Chennai is still a very conservative place.

Madrasi: You mean a majority of the people would prefer not to fornicate? Or in the open?

Someone: What?

Madrasi: No No. I was not stating that. Was merely asking you what you are referring to when you say Chennai is conservative.

Someone: My family for instance is extremely orthodox. My mom asks me why I reached late if I reach home later than 8 PM.

Madrasi: And how is that Chennai’s mistake, assuming it’s indeed a mistake.

Someone: It’s because my family is in Chennai.

Madrasi: How? You mean to say your mom would let you reach later if it’s some other place?

Someone: Er..

Madrasi: Why is Chennai responsible for your family sentiments? May be many families share similar sentiments. So what? Next you will probably say your uncle’s schizophrenic condition is caused by Chennai.

Madrasi: Anyway, don’t you think the place is too hot?

Someone: Ya Ya. Extremely Hot. Unbearably humid. Irritating.

Madrasi: What do you propose we do about it? Cause an artificial tectonic shift so as to favorably alter the latitude of Chennai?

Someone: HA ha. Funny.

Madrasi: Seriously? You found that funny? So you do understand that the Chennai people can’t possibly do anything about the temperature?

Someone: What?

Madrasi: hmmm..for a moment I thought you actually showed some trace of the ability to think logically.

Someone: And auto drivers are cheaters man.

Madrasi: Precisely. Not all of them though. But I accept your point completely. “Some auto drivers are cheaters”. But that’s a universal statement. The first premise. The second premise can be “There are auto drivers in Chennai”. So by syllogism the conclusion is some auto drivers in Chennai are cheaters. My point being the second premise can be anything. You fit any place in the sentence and the syllogism still holds.

Someone: What? Are we talking about Chennai or not?

Madrasi: Absolutely.

I wouldn’t deny the fact that I wrote this because it was beginning to get on my nerves with people saying illogical stuff about Madras. Everyplace has its pros and cons. And every place has to be different. IF Madras has to have the life of Mumbai or the climate of Bangalore then it might as well be called as Bangalore2 or Mumbai2. We like the place we like no matter what. So I apologise if I had said anything against the place you like. And I demand an apology if you had said anything about Madras! My Madras!

Unacceptable

Unacceptable
What do we do when we pray? Do we tend to justify our prayers?

I am extremely greedy. In fact I don’t even hesitate while demanding. After all its God I am asking from right? Nothing should be a big deal for Him (or Her). Most of the times I am almost as unfair as wanting to eat the new Bournville Chocolate and have it too. Almost.

Most times we don't stop with praying do we? We engage in a transaction with God.
I have always wondered what is the point of bribing God. Its common practice in all cultures I guess.

“Give me a pass mark in Quantum physics (I know...don’t “ahem” ...just an illustration ;)) and I will come and lie down and revolve around your Home 100 times”

“Cure me of my short term amnesia that is interspersed with wide mood swings and I will give you my hair. I mean. Seriously. My HAIR. Yeah. No kidding. You heard it right God.”

“Make sure the marriage gets finalised without any hassle and I will come and meet you. Again. No kidding. You could actually meet me. Yes”

“Get me my Visa to US and I will get US dollars, convert it into Indian rupees and then get you as much gold as you weigh. Your whole weight.”

“Give me a kid of my desired gender preference and I will pierce his/her ears. Literally. Imagine .Who will do that for you eh? I will make my kid do it Man. Just for you.”

I know. Ridiculous as they may be, it is what we think. Technically what can an omnipotent omnipresent entity gain from what we are offering? In fact when we think about it, it’s preposterous for us to think that such an entity is in dire need for commodities such as hair (or to have his home surrounding leveled) and that it would be immensely pleased with us for providing that.

It looks funny only when we think about it without actually being involved in it because unfortunately we don’t realise its futility when we are indeed thinking that way.

But else what can we mere mortals do anyway?

Imagine someone we deeply love is seriously ill. We will do whatever it takes to cure that. We can spend money. We can be with them. We can do a lot of things. But unfortunately what we can do is finite and we hit upon a point where we still want to hold onto something. That desperate need to think that something more is possible. That there must be someway to do more. And even a rational mind, wouldn’t hesitate to do anything from rolling on the ground to tonsuring its head, just to be able to think that there is a possibility that there is indeed a omnipotent omnipresent entity that can help provided it can prove to that entity that what it is asking for is indeed very very VERY valuable. Who cares if its silly or against rational and scientific reasoning? When the thing at stake is so important, who silly cares about ideals and philosophies and realism and ego and whatever we tend to crap about when we are normal.

“Our bribes to you oh God are just human ways to tell you that we do really need what we are asking for. We are after all, Human. The fact that we know that they are ridiculous just shows how desperate we are. It actually strengthens the credibility of the need in a contrasting way aint it?”
And it seems that You say “There are no unanswered prayers. Sometimes the answer is no”.

“No Dude. You are God. And that is Unacceptable.”

Unfortunate Truth

Unfortunate truth

I am not sure whether there is a single noun that represents that. If it is there, I wish I knew it because a single word that tells the same thing as two words is brilliant (words can be attributed adjectives too right?) and I would have preferred at least what I type to sound brilliant if not anything else.

There are a lot of unfortunate truths. Like

Somebody we love passing away

A close friend hurting us

A small pup getting killed under a vehicle’s tyre

Feeling that we could have done something that would have prevented something.

A lot of things like that. I am not, so unlike me, feeling like listing things, which I always like to do.

But I felt the most unfortunate truth is something different. Even though I am going to type it now, deep down I don’t accept it even though every single logical neuron of my mind tells me that statistically and pragmatically, what I am going to say is the truth. But I don’t accede to it. This, ironically, is exactly what its addressing. The looping, comprehensive logic of it is really irritating me.

The most unfortunate truth is that we have to accept unfortunate truths, not affront it.

The Neverland

Yup. JM Barrie’s world. If you have not read Peter pan or if, by an extraordinarily tough misfortune, have not seen any of the movies based on the theme or character, you might not be familiar with its mysticism. So go and watch “Finding Neverland” in which Johnny Depp plays the lead role as the author. A really good film though it has supposedly taken some liberties with the actual facts. Who cares. This story about how the author actually came upon his Neverland is, in my opinion, more intriguing than the land itself. Neverland has come to stand for childishness and immortality or something like that. More like immortal childishness. Being a child through eternity.

Siiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.That must be fun. (in a tone full of jealousy and the sadness that accompanies the feeling of losing something that is bound to be lost yet something we blindly thought is still a long time away, so blind in fact that once we lose it we feel like we have not given the proper care it deserved)

I somehow have always related the word “Neverland” to a place most of us are familiar with. I don’t know why I considered it so but I have always done it even though I am acquainted with the actual Neverland and its actual metaphorical function. But this place has a very distinct, very complex, tough-to-be-described, equally obnoxious and fascinating ambience that it’s difficult to actually decipher my feelings towards it. Possibly one of the places that can “never” be described.

Yep.
The Hostel. The realm of paradoxes.

Paradoxes. Yes. It’s funny the way it works. It is so paradoxical that it actually teaches.
For instance consider a person who doesn’t like to be in groups or gangs. Someone who is uncomfortable hanging around with people. Neverland forces such a person into a group. Paradoxical. Right? Because even though the person might try to avoid a group he will be in a group anyway. The real paradox is the fact that in all probability that person might end up liking being in a group.
Or for instance, someone may come in as a shy boy/girl who cannot look into the eyes of a girl/boy and talk but by the time he/she leaves he/she might be a person who talks only to a girl/boy.

If one place could give you all the incidents that will make you reflect upon anything as silly as life to something as profound as comics and also the time to do that reflection it’s the Neverland.

It makes one feel alone. It makes one enjoy loneliness. (Unfortunately one has to!)

It makes one miss (things and people). It makes one feel contended that there are things and people that matter more than anything else. (The fundamental human defence to combat cognitive dissonance)

It makes one sad. It makes one resistant to the temptation of drawing sympathy. (ha ha. Gotcha! Only moms fall for it)

It makes one happy. It makes one realise that happiness is quite instantaneous. (It comes and goes like a flash!)

It forces one to be independent. It makes one understand it’s essential to be. (At least it is loads cooler to be independent!)

It gets one tensed. It makes one realise that getting tensed would only get you teased (Assurances, one realises are actually pampering that misleads one from reality. It’s better to let our paranoia rule us. It’s usually right)

It makes one loyal. It teaches one to use discretion with loyalty. (Unfortunately it’s true that loyalty without discretion is the biggest injustice one can do onto oneself)

It makes one feel intimidated. It makes one realize that intimidating people are the ones who are intimidated. ( ;) Its weaklings that boast of strength)

It makes one long. It makes one understand that the best things take time (like getting a degree! Among other things ;) ;))

It makes one realize that manipulation is a way of life. It makes one accept that getting manipulated is dumb.

So on and so forth.
But you know what the best part of it all is?

It makes one acquainted with a wide assortment of characters. But it converts some of them into one’s best mates for life.

Neverland: Classes, bunking classes, tempting others to bunk classes with us, getting tempted to bunk classes with others, sleep, afternoon nap, evening catnap, classroom snooze, midnight tea, slightly later than midnight noodles, walking, talking, walking to talk secret stuff, eating mess food, bitching about mess food, missing mess food to eat muffin at Nescafe, tea, bada tea, amul cool, missing home, feeling pissed, getting teased, teasing others, assignments, copying assignments, getting offended when somebody doesn’t give his/her assignment, feeling selfish about giving ours, exams, syllabus mails, exam papers that defy the syllabus, Xerox, combined studies, combined exams, grades, soaking clothes in soap water, washing clothes after a couple of days, cycle trips, eat outs, treats, more treats, placements, preparation for placements, comparisons, disappointments, satisfactions, couples, splits, again couples, peer pressure ;), messy rooms, rats, cockroaches, insects, roommates, loo mates, wing mates, parties, festivals, college symposiums, guest lectures, sleeping through lectures, competitions, common room, market, ice creams, class presentations, presenting without preparing, debates, arguments, night outs, movies, laptop, DC++, chats, Dhobi, ATM, Tatkal, holidays, meets during hols, train journey, weekends, affection, fun, joy and Friends!

At the end of it, I realize, every single memory of it involves these people in some way or other. Possibly, it is because of these relationships that this Neverland becomes palatable and survivable even making the worst of scenarios funny and acceptable. Everything depressing is ridiculed to insignificance by the sheer potency of camaraderie. It is as this group one learns this major point. In fact one gets so used to it that it becomes a way of life. Nothing seems a problem. Nothing seems worth worrying. The Neverland imparts an experiential education that rivals that of the sages and philosophers!

Of course the Neverland corrupts the gullible. They imbibe too much without selectivity probably. Quite expectedly, the Neverland scares the species called parents. Doesn’t mean the resistant ones don’t have any takeaways. These take away tastes. Not habits. Not biases. Not prejudices. Just tastes. In my opinion, that is the most brilliant part of the Neverland. Imagine so many people with so many varied interests. The Neverland is a veritable treasure for picking up tastes.

Of all the things one goes through here, right and wrong, good and bad, fun and misery, at the end of it all when it is a test of the strength of the memories, the pleasant ones win hands down and eyes closed. I can’t believe I am going to say it but I think I will miss this stupid, obnoxious, silly, paradoxical, ironical, depressing middle of nowhere!

Neverland, the land that makes one irreversibly grow.

Neverland, the treasure land rigged with mines.

Neverland, the land of enlightening liberty.

After being through it one can never be the same.