MADRAS
Someone: Man. How do you live here?
Madrasi: Er..essentially by eating, breathing and sleeping…Do you live by something else? Energy pills?
Someone: huh
Madrasi: Coming to think about it, that’s how I live even when I am not here
Someone: I am talking seriously dude. I mean. I can’t stand it.
Madrasi: Stand what? Me living?
Someone: No. Living here.
Madrasi: You can’t stand me living here? Now why would u do that?
Someone: Crap. Why would I care about you? I am talking for myself. I can’t stand living here.
Madrasi: Tried dying here? Were you able to stand that?
Someone: Enough of this rubbish madrasi. You know what I am talking about.
Madrasi: Seriously. I am clueless. Tell me cant you? What is it that you hate it here?
Someone: Don’t even get me started dude.
Madrasi: I insist. Do you have an ignition key?
Someone: What?
Madrasi: Never mind. So tell me.
Someone: Man. What to say. I mean. One thing, this place is very conservative.
Madrasi: Please. Define it for me. Piece by piece.
Someone: er..I mean...er…hmmm…I mean…
Madrasi: Making a statement without even understanding what it means amounts to despicable hypocrisy. And when that statement is an allegation, it amounts to apathetic malice.
Someone: Fine. I tried to be nice.
Madrasi: By being dumb?
Someone: You are asking for it man.
Madrasi: Yes indeed.
Someone: First of all, there are no pubs here
Madrasi: What? There are soo many gorgeous pups here..anyway you have not even seen any dogs here? How do you think they came about?
Someone: PUBs. P – U – B.
Madrasi: Ofcourse there are pubs here. Are you blind too? Must be tough man. Being dumb and blind. You can neither get a clue nor see one. Sad.
Someone: Really? Name one.
Madrasi: Er..What’s that..Something about barrels going on bikes or something like that.
Someone: Yeah. May be. One or two. Here and there. Not many pubs.
Madrasi: You want a pub in every street?
Someone: Same thing with discos etc
Madrasi: Are you saying that pub and discs are like a basic necessity that every human should have access to? Like education and healthcare? Man. You are a humanist.
Someone: Look. What I am saying is, even when there are many pubs here people won’t go to them
Madrasi: Did you take a survey?
Someone: It’s pretty apparent
Madrasi: And you are not able to stand that? You feel irritated to be among people who are not even using their access to pubs?
Madrasi: Why does it bother you anyway?
Someone: I don’t know. I just feel irritated by the fact that people are not living their life.
Madrasi: er...right…
Someone: And this place doesn’t even have a night life..
Madrasi: like bats and owls?
Someone: That mall? It closes down at 930 10 man.. What kind of a mall is that?
Madrasi: Don’t the people who work there need to get home, sleep may be? I am sure there are many other places which are open a little late
Someone: Whatever. But it’s scary right? If everything starts closing down.. I mean…
Madrasi: So you want others, who are not living their life, who don’t have a night life, who don’t go to pubs, to be awake and running about so that you, who is living life and having a night life can feel safe?
Someone: er...
Madrasi: why should people who are traditional to the extent of almost being uncivilized in your eyes do things which they have no intention of doing so that you are comfortable? Why are the obligated to you?
Someone: Fine. Look at my friend. Most of the times he likes being home, spending leisure time on even a WEEKEND. Can you believe that? Losers man.
Madrasi: Being home is losing? And besides what makes you qualified to comment about somebody’s preferences? At least they don’t expect others to do things so that they feel comfortable roaming around at 1 Am.
Madrasi: Anyway are you like totally lost. So many people are out there on weekends. Movies , beaches, eat outs etc
Someone: Whatever. Chennai is still a very conservative place.
Madrasi: You mean a majority of the people would prefer not to fornicate? Or in the open?
Someone: What?
Madrasi: No No. I was not stating that. Was merely asking you what you are referring to when you say Chennai is conservative.
Someone: My family for instance is extremely orthodox. My mom asks me why I reached late if I reach home later than 8 PM.
Madrasi: And how is that Chennai’s mistake, assuming it’s indeed a mistake.
Someone: It’s because my family is in Chennai.
Madrasi: How? You mean to say your mom would let you reach later if it’s some other place?
Someone: Er..
Madrasi: Why is Chennai responsible for your family sentiments? May be many families share similar sentiments. So what? Next you will probably say your uncle’s schizophrenic condition is caused by Chennai.
Madrasi: Anyway, don’t you think the place is too hot?
Someone: Ya Ya. Extremely Hot. Unbearably humid. Irritating.
Madrasi: What do you propose we do about it? Cause an artificial tectonic shift so as to favorably alter the latitude of Chennai?
Someone: HA ha. Funny.
Madrasi: Seriously? You found that funny? So you do understand that the Chennai people can’t possibly do anything about the temperature?
Someone: What?
Madrasi: hmmm..for a moment I thought you actually showed some trace of the ability to think logically.
Someone: And auto drivers are cheaters man.
Madrasi: Precisely. Not all of them though. But I accept your point completely. “Some auto drivers are cheaters”. But that’s a universal statement. The first premise. The second premise can be “There are auto drivers in Chennai”. So by syllogism the conclusion is some auto drivers in Chennai are cheaters. My point being the second premise can be anything. You fit any place in the sentence and the syllogism still holds.
Someone: What? Are we talking about Chennai or not?
Madrasi: Absolutely.
I wouldn’t deny the fact that I wrote this because it was beginning to get on my nerves with people saying illogical stuff about Madras. Everyplace has its pros and cons. And every place has to be different. IF Madras has to have the life of Mumbai or the climate of Bangalore then it might as well be called as Bangalore2 or Mumbai2. We like the place we like no matter what. So I apologise if I had said anything against the place you like. And I demand an apology if you had said anything about Madras! My Madras!
