Cure

Cure

I always think of it as a systemic error.

Evolution , whether fully construed by us or not, is bound to be rational, too rational to the point of being cold, for it saw reason to allow our cognitive processes to develop something as irrational as emotion. It is sheer genius for reason probably justifies the existence of a sense that defies reason. If we do accept Darwinism, the ultimate sanctum of evolutionary theories, namely the survival of the fittest, the capacity to emote should, and is in all probability, be helping the same. I am not sure whether the elimination is caused by the over expression or the lack of it. The whole thing thus depends on the concept of death, rationalised by the fact that it is a logical part of the whole attempt of life, namely the end. Perfectly rational. But the emotional ability bestowed upon the naive and uninformed beings, namely us, is highly insulted and betrayed and left gasping by the outrageous sacrilege, namely death.

I always think of it as a systemic error.

One of them should have a cure. SHOULD.

Death or love.

Language

Language

Someone: (cheerfully) Hey. What language can u speak in?

Me: (Warily) English

Someone: (Still cheerfully but with a little inquisitiveness) What is your mother tongue?

Me: It is a large bundle of muscles on the floor of my mom’s mouth that manipulates food for chewing and swallowing. It is also one of the organs of taste.

Someone: (flabbergasted) Ok.Smartypants. If you want to act smart then listen to this. I didn’t ask “What is your mother’s tongue?”. I asked “What is your mother tongue”. Holy mother of god! You don’t know what is an apostrophe?!

Me: (With fear smeared across my face) what does my appa’s trophy had to do with it? Stay away from it you thieving someone.

Someone: (Slapping his forehead and looking at the sky) God! Did you say you can speak in English?

Me: (curiously fiddling with a thread hanging out of my shirt) Beats me. Weren’t you listening?

Someone: Do you even know what a rhetorical question is?

Me: (attentively) Are u asking me that question? Do you want me to answer?

Someone: So you do know what a rhetorical question is!

Me: Err...If you say so.

Someone: Okay. Never mind. What other language can you use?

Me: (innocently) Foul

Someone: (exasperated) Are you like mentally challenged?

Me: (curiously) by whom? You?

Someone: Don’t bother. Where are you from? Down south?

Me: Doesn’t “down” and “south” mean the same thing?

Someone: (Rolling his eyes) Yeah. Sorry. So are you from any of the southern states? You look so and your accent seems so too.

Me: Yes Chief Detective.

Someone: So if I have to guess that you are from this particular state where the illustrious political stalwarts politicised the education of the languages, then there is a high probability that you don’t know the national language.

Me: It’s ironical that they confused teaching with preaching.

Someone: (feigned shock) so you indeed don’t know the national language?

Me: (matter of factly) Not exactly Sherlock Holmes. I can manage. And I am learning. But If it has to be binary, then yes, its zero.

Someone: (feigned shock now along with a tinge of anger) It’s pathetic. Why didn’t you learn it like in private tuitions or something?

Me: (tiredly) Do you even study for your semester exam Mr. hypocrite?

Someone: (defensively) How does that come here? You are talking irrelevant stuff. I know the national language anyway.

Me: So?

Someone: What do you mean “so”? I mean...You are unbelievable...One should know his national language. Aren’t you patriotic in the slightest?

Me: Speaking a language makes you patriotic Mr. patriotic?

Someone: Yes. Of course.

Me: Do you know how the states in this nation were formed?

Someone: Err.

Me: (rapidly regurgitating) The States Reorganisation Act of 1956 is the culprit. The act reorganised the boundaries of India's states along linguistic lines.

Someone: ............

Me: The so called “nation” did it. Separation. Why didn’t they silly take a scale and pencil and draw lines on the outline map of India? It would have been far easier. Thankfully now language is not the scale with which one is measured.

Someone: Past is past. We are in the new globalised world. You can’t still keep blaming past mistakes.

Me: Mr. Global, Who has a problem with what? Who is complaining about somebody not knowing a language? Who is confused what patriotism is? Who is undeservingly being self righteously condescending? Who is judging people with what languages they talk? Who is being a hypocrite? Who is practising linguistic nepotism? Who is guessing people’s identity with their accent? Who?

Someone: Yeah. Who is that? Such people are the bane of our nation.

Me: You think so Mr. Nation- well-wisher?

Someone: Anyway, why are you talking about other people? So, how do you manage in a place where they speak this language? Aren’t you alienated?

Me: Alien? As in like from other planets? What does that verb mean? Do they forcibly put antennas on the head?

Someone: What are you talking about?!

Me: (now looking at someone with mild amusement) Would you recognise light hearted humour if it danced naked in front of you?

Someone: Naked? You are being obscene. I am a very patriotic person. And I am a very nice guy too. And I have a lot of friends.

Me: Do you mean to say I don’t?

Someone: I suppose so. You can’t even talk fluently in the national language.

Me: Thankfully many people are not as righteous and patriotic as you are Mr. Friendly. They just judge what the person is, blindly based on the person’s character. I am sure they are terribly wrong. Who would like and love others without making sure they know all the languages that are a must to know? Idiots aren’t they?

Someone: (emphatically) Yeah. Yeah. Anyway I am glad that you are getting along despite your appalling handicap. But you know, on a lighter vein, you don’t get to appreciate the fruits of the film industry associated with the language isn’t it?

Me: (losing interest in the conversation now)I listen to the music and watch some of the movies when I have the company (or subtitle file.)

Someone: But you won’t understand all the lyrics an all isn’t it? That is really sad. You can’t actually fully enjoy it then.

Me: have you seen any French films Mr. Empathiser?

Someone: Nopes

Me: (looking at my finger nails)Korean?

Someone: No

Me: German?

Someone: No.

Me: Malayalam? Tamizh? Telugu? Kannada? Oriya?

Someone: hell no.Why would I want to?

Someone: Anyway, What are you saying?

Me: Nothing Mr. Blind. Have you wondered about how some people who have specialised in something assume that only with what they have acquired can one appreciate the true beauty and worth of the thing they specialised in? Like some science people assuming that art-literature people cannot appreciate the fascination of science. Like some literature graduates assuming that science people cannot appreciate the enchanting beauty of words. Like some cooks assuming that both science and literature graduates cannot comprehend the sensuality of food.

Someone: I actually don’t understand what you are saying. Did you say something about food?

Me: (monologuising) Knowledge is not a prerequisite for appreciating and loving and feeling.

Someone: Yeah. I have always thought so.

Me: really Mr. No-Individuality?

Someone: Ok it is time for me. I have to go somewhere. See you then Mr...?

Me: Mr. Madrasi.

Someone: God! That is an offensive term! You should have some self esteem. You shouldn’t call yourself that. I use that term only when I really want to hurt somebody, like when somebody calls me by an equivalent term or when I am just pissed off with something and I want to spread the bad mood.

Me: (smiling) How nice of you to warn me Mr. Dictionary

Someone: of what?

Me: (Still smiling) That irrespective of the location, irrespective of north or south or east or west, irrespective of the globalisation, irrespective of educational qualification, irrespective of social class, irrespective of the recent past’s economic boom, irrespective of the current slowdown, irrespective of the century, irrespective of anything, people like you always exist.

************************************************************************************
The conversation may be a piece of fiction but the truth remains. There are three people. The explicit regional fanatic, the condescending “friendly” hypocrite and us, who are stuck with them.

Worth

Noun: Worth

1. An indefinite quantity of something having a specified value

2. The quality that renders something desirable or valuable or useful

I should concede that many a times I am suddenly struck by a mundane thing. Struck me as in gets me day dreaming. Nothing injurious. Symptoms being a completely blank visage, the transformation of the sensory organs into obsolete vestigial masses and systems of cells, hands freely doodling on the notebook and a blissful indifference to the surrounding...er...to the lecture. Most times I am stupid. If you didn’t realise that the last sentence was the disclaimer then you are too. Well coming back to my stupidity, I have so much empty space inside my cranium that I just can waste so much time thinking (well I feel a little guilty for terming the process as “thinking” because “thinking” would have felt insulted. Fair enough actually. But then as I was typing it just came. May be “rambling” would be little more fitting.). The best thing about this is that it helps me to keep myself entertained. That is when I no longer feel entertained by all the things accessible that could entertain (like Wikipedia, comics, novels, movies, games etc). But I always have this backup plan. And the best thing about it is that it requires no external apparatus. And it has an automatic trigger mechanism. For instance one day I had to wear all this rain coat crap because it was raining heavily and I had to go to class.(I don’t usually bother wearing them on the way back home). But inspite of the zipper and bottons I found myself wet. That is highly irritating because I don’t like wearing them in the first place and It silly doesn’t serve its purpose fully anyway. Even when we are using an umbrella our feet and ankle and some inches of the pant above it all get wet. Possibly some parts of our shirt (or Top.I advocate equality. Honest) too. There is no way we can truly escape the rain. And it struck me that it’s probably why we use phrases like “...Shower love...”, “....shower affection...” We can’t avoid being impacted if somebody loves us. No matter how many layers we cover ourselves with something in us is going to get wet. Something will get wet. How we respond to it is not what I am talking about here. My point is simply that there is no way that we can be indifferent to it. Even if its indifference it is going to be a consciously forced indifference which probably defies the meaning of indifference anyway. Probably what I just said was pure crap. May be.

I always say that everything has to be deserved. Well I don’t seriously care about what it actually means but it helps to both justify myself and to console myself. (Say I have done some horribly expensive exam horribly pathetic my mind obviously tries to tell me that there is some chance sticking somewhere that I would clear it. But I tell myself I won’t deserve it anyway. So what’s the point? It helps actually. I don’t even feel that sad about flunking. I know. What I just said is that I not only have the insolence not to prepare for an exam but also that I don’t even feel remorseful or guilty or sad about it. )

But this deserving thing is inevitably done by all of us if I am allowed to guess so. Our minds automatically execute the mental formula that gives a final value of worth.

Is that shirt as good as this one?

Is that job worth the trouble of leaving home?

Is that person worth helping?

Is that person worth getting help from?

Can I pity myself now?

Can I pity that person?

Is this laptop worth the money?

Is this course worth the time?

The most curious thing is that this calculation is so confusing and complicated and subjective we don’t understand it when the same calculation goes on in another person’s mind. That is probably one of the reasons why everyone looks crazy to us.

Consider the following:

Many a times I have found that the guys at the bottom of the grade sheet always have the propensity to “help”. I put that in quotes because that help can be anything including something that may not be help. Taking a Xerox for me. Coming with me to get my cycle puncture repaired. Coming with me to the bank to pay fees. No. I know that sounded nothing unusual. But they do such things when say there is an exam the next day, when, with a high possibility, I wouldn’t have done it for them under the same circumstances. And no I am not great pals with them. But it’s the group of people with whom we share a mutual respect and acknowledgement. But nothing more than that. And they do it for everybody (I am no special exemption or anything). Why would they do it? What worth did they see?

I did this project at a lab during my btech and as it happened there were some 15 people like me who were all given accommodation at the same place. But I was the only one who had to work in the lab that was near the hostel itself and the others had to go someplace else. So even though it’s them who make my buddy group there I am not with them for the whole day. So apart from the lab mates I used to talk with the security guards and cleaners and assistants (because anyway we are the only ones there). I used to have all sorts of conversations with them. Particularly one security guard was my favourite. Possibly he found me likeable too. The weekends I used to go to my relatives’ place and whenever I return back he would always say that it was boring without me there. When I think about it I don’t think anybody ever has told me that.( “All words” ) One day I remember he gave me mangoes which he had got somewhere. (“Bah! Big deal. ).Possibly he gave others too. And then there was this other person who wanted to take a picture with all of us there who had come for doing projects and would be gone in some days. Why would they do it? What worth did they see?

Recently I had gone on this trip to someplace with some friends. One part of the trip involved boating and the shore of the lake where the boats are moored was marshy and muddy. So when we got on the boat the boat guy showed us specifically strategic locations to keep our foot in. And there were these kids there who are probably like helpers to the boat guys and they were basically helping the boat guys. So off we went on the boat. After a couple of hours we returned and one of those boys helped get the boat docked. And one of us got stuck in the mud. And in the process lost one slipper. And in the process of trying to retrieve it lost the other one too. Both the slippers were stuck in the slushy brown dirty mud. They were not even visible. Stuck under. And the person didn’t know what to do. We didn’t know what to do. Then this boy , shirtless and slipper less, nonchalantly walked up to the spot, stuck his hands into that same nauseating mud, pulled out the pair of slippers, threw them at the feet of the owner, then with the same indifference with which we give a beggar a coin, he walked back to the boat. Why would he do it? What worth did he see?

I could go on. And if you had read at least one of my previous posts then you would know that I could go on. And please don’t see what I am saying with respect to poverty or anything like that. It has nothing to do with it.

My point is simply that I (or we, if you relate to my point) would never get to understand others’ formula. So what? Well may be I (we) should sometimes recalibrate our own formulas.

Quite often somebody (like a friend...I should say that I am always very squirmish to use that “friend” word...I am just never able to correctly define it...are classmates friends? Sometimes; some of them; may be; I don’t know ;) says something that hurts. The natural response is to retort. The first thing that comes to my mind is whether that person is worth enough to me to let it pass without me retorting. Obviously with my people I wouldn’t even care because I would know they are as dependent on me as I am on them and whatever they do is out of the right they have on me. I am not talking about them because with them I wouldn’t even recognise it. I am talking about the peer group or whatever we call it. Acquaintances. What do we do? Is retorting worth it? Or is not retorting worth it?

Now compare it with the prospect of putting our hands into mud for a total stranger who is in all possible ways better positioned in this world. Our predominant reaction towards somebody better than us in anyway is probably envy or intimidation or insecurity or inferiority complex or if that person is an "acquaintance", affected appreciation. May be its worth the effort trying to recalibrate.

Many people have this idealistic notion that it is wrong to encourage beggars by giving them money. May be. May be not. But can anyone deny the fact that they don’t feel that slight happiness that comes out of the feeling that we have actually helped someone? May be it is an action arising out of what is called as “survivor’s guilt”. May be that action in some small unintended way shows a condescension that arises out of pity that arises out of our superior position in the scenario which is in no way related to our skills or talents. Yes. But may be that miniscule momentary reprieve that we could possibly provide is worth it.

“People deserve our love most when they least deserve it”. May be it is worth it.

May be those who don’t have are the ones who give because it is probably those who don’t have who know the worth.

Everything i just typed were clichés.

That brings me to my very first point. Things that are mundane suddenly strike me.

It strikes me because I realise they appeared mundane because I didn’t know its worth.

We always get wet in the rain. It’s just that we don’t notice it.