Sati

Sati

This is impromptu. I usually blog when I have something concrete to talk about . Even though it may not be fun for others, its amusing to catalogue points in favor of a personal view point. (Pardon me for the explicit egoism...it sometimes slips you know...)

Don’t know why I suddenly thought about it. The sati thing.

It just struck me, that though the wife was the victim in the sense she was made to lose her life forcibly, there is this element of moral freedom about it. Now before you start hitting at me, just listen to the entire thing.

Disclaimer: I have no idea how it was done. I am not saying anything to demean anything or any person. The scenario I am talking about might be actually fictional (if that’s not how it was)...So I have used “might” and words like that everywhere possible so that you get the picture that I am not claiming anything to be true/right/ethical/etc. And I am not a male chauvinist. (Thought it’s safe to say that...No idea how people construe something...I guess understanding is subjective right?)

Assume...ASSUME...that the societal set up was that way and the husband or the wife or whoever involved couldn’t do anything to stop it. Assume that when a man dies it’s a given that his wife would be killed too.

In that scenario may be amongst all the feelings of injustice and fear and anger, the wives might...MIGHT ...have felt a small miniscule thing of calmness that comes with the surety of moral uprightness. They might have known that they are being murdered for no fault of theirs and even in that state of extreme trauma and frustration at the sacrilege of human life none of the negative emotion would have been directed at themselves.

The husband, say, who might have been lying on his death bed, sick and wasting away, amidst his fear of losing his precious life, also has to go through the guilt of going to be the reason for his soul mate’s death too.

Imagine that.

Dying and knowing that the death is going to kill his loving wife.

Dying and helpless to stop his own death or his precious’.

Dying and frustrated at his own weakness, a weakness that is killing him and will kill another life too, a life that is going to lose its right to live because it chose to love and live with him.

Dying and realizing that everything he has cared for, himself and his family, would in all essence, cease to exist.

Dying and failing to see some scope of feeling resigned to the fate.

Dying and killing himself with thoughts that shift and mix between anger, fear, frustration, helplessness and affection.

Dying.

Just imagining that is scary.

Madras

MADRAS

Someone: Man. How do you live here?

Madrasi: Er..essentially by eating, breathing and sleeping…Do you live by something else? Energy pills?

Someone: huh

Madrasi: Coming to think about it, that’s how I live even when I am not here

Someone: I am talking seriously dude. I mean. I can’t stand it.

Madrasi: Stand what? Me living?

Someone: No. Living here.

Madrasi: You can’t stand me living here? Now why would u do that?

Someone: Crap. Why would I care about you? I am talking for myself. I can’t stand living here.

Madrasi: Tried dying here? Were you able to stand that?

Someone: Enough of this rubbish madrasi. You know what I am talking about.

Madrasi: Seriously. I am clueless. Tell me cant you? What is it that you hate it here?

Someone: Don’t even get me started dude.

Madrasi: I insist. Do you have an ignition key?

Someone: What?

Madrasi: Never mind. So tell me.

Someone: Man. What to say. I mean. One thing, this place is very conservative.

Madrasi: Please. Define it for me. Piece by piece.

Someone: er..I mean...er…hmmm…I mean…

Madrasi: Making a statement without even understanding what it means amounts to despicable hypocrisy. And when that statement is an allegation, it amounts to apathetic malice.

Someone: Fine. I tried to be nice.

Madrasi: By being dumb?

Someone: You are asking for it man.

Madrasi: Yes indeed.

Someone: First of all, there are no pubs here

Madrasi: What? There are soo many gorgeous pups here..anyway you have not even seen any dogs here? How do you think they came about?

Someone: PUBs. P – U – B.

Madrasi: Ofcourse there are pubs here. Are you blind too? Must be tough man. Being dumb and blind. You can neither get a clue nor see one. Sad.

Someone: Really? Name one.

Madrasi: Er..What’s that..Something about barrels going on bikes or something like that.

Someone: Yeah. May be. One or two. Here and there. Not many pubs.

Madrasi: You want a pub in every street?

Someone: Same thing with discos etc

Madrasi: Are you saying that pub and discs are like a basic necessity that every human should have access to? Like education and healthcare? Man. You are a humanist.

Someone: Look. What I am saying is, even when there are many pubs here people won’t go to them

Madrasi: Did you take a survey?

Someone: It’s pretty apparent

Madrasi: And you are not able to stand that? You feel irritated to be among people who are not even using their access to pubs?

Madrasi: Why does it bother you anyway?

Someone: I don’t know. I just feel irritated by the fact that people are not living their life.

Madrasi: er...right…

Someone: And this place doesn’t even have a night life..

Madrasi: like bats and owls?

Someone: That mall? It closes down at 930 10 man.. What kind of a mall is that?

Madrasi: Don’t the people who work there need to get home, sleep may be? I am sure there are many other places which are open a little late

Someone: Whatever. But it’s scary right? If everything starts closing down.. I mean…

Madrasi: So you want others, who are not living their life, who don’t have a night life, who don’t go to pubs, to be awake and running about so that you, who is living life and having a night life can feel safe?

Someone: er...

Madrasi: why should people who are traditional to the extent of almost being uncivilized in your eyes do things which they have no intention of doing so that you are comfortable? Why are the obligated to you?

Someone: Fine. Look at my friend. Most of the times he likes being home, spending leisure time on even a WEEKEND. Can you believe that? Losers man.

Madrasi: Being home is losing? And besides what makes you qualified to comment about somebody’s preferences? At least they don’t expect others to do things so that they feel comfortable roaming around at 1 Am.

Madrasi: Anyway are you like totally lost. So many people are out there on weekends. Movies , beaches, eat outs etc

Someone: Whatever. Chennai is still a very conservative place.

Madrasi: You mean a majority of the people would prefer not to fornicate? Or in the open?

Someone: What?

Madrasi: No No. I was not stating that. Was merely asking you what you are referring to when you say Chennai is conservative.

Someone: My family for instance is extremely orthodox. My mom asks me why I reached late if I reach home later than 8 PM.

Madrasi: And how is that Chennai’s mistake, assuming it’s indeed a mistake.

Someone: It’s because my family is in Chennai.

Madrasi: How? You mean to say your mom would let you reach later if it’s some other place?

Someone: Er..

Madrasi: Why is Chennai responsible for your family sentiments? May be many families share similar sentiments. So what? Next you will probably say your uncle’s schizophrenic condition is caused by Chennai.

Madrasi: Anyway, don’t you think the place is too hot?

Someone: Ya Ya. Extremely Hot. Unbearably humid. Irritating.

Madrasi: What do you propose we do about it? Cause an artificial tectonic shift so as to favorably alter the latitude of Chennai?

Someone: HA ha. Funny.

Madrasi: Seriously? You found that funny? So you do understand that the Chennai people can’t possibly do anything about the temperature?

Someone: What?

Madrasi: hmmm..for a moment I thought you actually showed some trace of the ability to think logically.

Someone: And auto drivers are cheaters man.

Madrasi: Precisely. Not all of them though. But I accept your point completely. “Some auto drivers are cheaters”. But that’s a universal statement. The first premise. The second premise can be “There are auto drivers in Chennai”. So by syllogism the conclusion is some auto drivers in Chennai are cheaters. My point being the second premise can be anything. You fit any place in the sentence and the syllogism still holds.

Someone: What? Are we talking about Chennai or not?

Madrasi: Absolutely.

I wouldn’t deny the fact that I wrote this because it was beginning to get on my nerves with people saying illogical stuff about Madras. Everyplace has its pros and cons. And every place has to be different. IF Madras has to have the life of Mumbai or the climate of Bangalore then it might as well be called as Bangalore2 or Mumbai2. We like the place we like no matter what. So I apologise if I had said anything against the place you like. And I demand an apology if you had said anything about Madras! My Madras!

Unacceptable

Unacceptable
What do we do when we pray? Do we tend to justify our prayers?

I am extremely greedy. In fact I don’t even hesitate while demanding. After all its God I am asking from right? Nothing should be a big deal for Him (or Her). Most of the times I am almost as unfair as wanting to eat the new Bournville Chocolate and have it too. Almost.

Most times we don't stop with praying do we? We engage in a transaction with God.
I have always wondered what is the point of bribing God. Its common practice in all cultures I guess.

“Give me a pass mark in Quantum physics (I know...don’t “ahem” ...just an illustration ;)) and I will come and lie down and revolve around your Home 100 times”

“Cure me of my short term amnesia that is interspersed with wide mood swings and I will give you my hair. I mean. Seriously. My HAIR. Yeah. No kidding. You heard it right God.”

“Make sure the marriage gets finalised without any hassle and I will come and meet you. Again. No kidding. You could actually meet me. Yes”

“Get me my Visa to US and I will get US dollars, convert it into Indian rupees and then get you as much gold as you weigh. Your whole weight.”

“Give me a kid of my desired gender preference and I will pierce his/her ears. Literally. Imagine .Who will do that for you eh? I will make my kid do it Man. Just for you.”

I know. Ridiculous as they may be, it is what we think. Technically what can an omnipotent omnipresent entity gain from what we are offering? In fact when we think about it, it’s preposterous for us to think that such an entity is in dire need for commodities such as hair (or to have his home surrounding leveled) and that it would be immensely pleased with us for providing that.

It looks funny only when we think about it without actually being involved in it because unfortunately we don’t realise its futility when we are indeed thinking that way.

But else what can we mere mortals do anyway?

Imagine someone we deeply love is seriously ill. We will do whatever it takes to cure that. We can spend money. We can be with them. We can do a lot of things. But unfortunately what we can do is finite and we hit upon a point where we still want to hold onto something. That desperate need to think that something more is possible. That there must be someway to do more. And even a rational mind, wouldn’t hesitate to do anything from rolling on the ground to tonsuring its head, just to be able to think that there is a possibility that there is indeed a omnipotent omnipresent entity that can help provided it can prove to that entity that what it is asking for is indeed very very VERY valuable. Who cares if its silly or against rational and scientific reasoning? When the thing at stake is so important, who silly cares about ideals and philosophies and realism and ego and whatever we tend to crap about when we are normal.

“Our bribes to you oh God are just human ways to tell you that we do really need what we are asking for. We are after all, Human. The fact that we know that they are ridiculous just shows how desperate we are. It actually strengthens the credibility of the need in a contrasting way aint it?”
And it seems that You say “There are no unanswered prayers. Sometimes the answer is no”.

“No Dude. You are God. And that is Unacceptable.”

Unfortunate Truth

Unfortunate truth

I am not sure whether there is a single noun that represents that. If it is there, I wish I knew it because a single word that tells the same thing as two words is brilliant (words can be attributed adjectives too right?) and I would have preferred at least what I type to sound brilliant if not anything else.

There are a lot of unfortunate truths. Like

Somebody we love passing away

A close friend hurting us

A small pup getting killed under a vehicle’s tyre

Feeling that we could have done something that would have prevented something.

A lot of things like that. I am not, so unlike me, feeling like listing things, which I always like to do.

But I felt the most unfortunate truth is something different. Even though I am going to type it now, deep down I don’t accept it even though every single logical neuron of my mind tells me that statistically and pragmatically, what I am going to say is the truth. But I don’t accede to it. This, ironically, is exactly what its addressing. The looping, comprehensive logic of it is really irritating me.

The most unfortunate truth is that we have to accept unfortunate truths, not affront it.

The Neverland

Yup. JM Barrie’s world. If you have not read Peter pan or if, by an extraordinarily tough misfortune, have not seen any of the movies based on the theme or character, you might not be familiar with its mysticism. So go and watch “Finding Neverland” in which Johnny Depp plays the lead role as the author. A really good film though it has supposedly taken some liberties with the actual facts. Who cares. This story about how the author actually came upon his Neverland is, in my opinion, more intriguing than the land itself. Neverland has come to stand for childishness and immortality or something like that. More like immortal childishness. Being a child through eternity.

Siiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.That must be fun. (in a tone full of jealousy and the sadness that accompanies the feeling of losing something that is bound to be lost yet something we blindly thought is still a long time away, so blind in fact that once we lose it we feel like we have not given the proper care it deserved)

I somehow have always related the word “Neverland” to a place most of us are familiar with. I don’t know why I considered it so but I have always done it even though I am acquainted with the actual Neverland and its actual metaphorical function. But this place has a very distinct, very complex, tough-to-be-described, equally obnoxious and fascinating ambience that it’s difficult to actually decipher my feelings towards it. Possibly one of the places that can “never” be described.

Yep.
The Hostel. The realm of paradoxes.

Paradoxes. Yes. It’s funny the way it works. It is so paradoxical that it actually teaches.
For instance consider a person who doesn’t like to be in groups or gangs. Someone who is uncomfortable hanging around with people. Neverland forces such a person into a group. Paradoxical. Right? Because even though the person might try to avoid a group he will be in a group anyway. The real paradox is the fact that in all probability that person might end up liking being in a group.
Or for instance, someone may come in as a shy boy/girl who cannot look into the eyes of a girl/boy and talk but by the time he/she leaves he/she might be a person who talks only to a girl/boy.

If one place could give you all the incidents that will make you reflect upon anything as silly as life to something as profound as comics and also the time to do that reflection it’s the Neverland.

It makes one feel alone. It makes one enjoy loneliness. (Unfortunately one has to!)

It makes one miss (things and people). It makes one feel contended that there are things and people that matter more than anything else. (The fundamental human defence to combat cognitive dissonance)

It makes one sad. It makes one resistant to the temptation of drawing sympathy. (ha ha. Gotcha! Only moms fall for it)

It makes one happy. It makes one realise that happiness is quite instantaneous. (It comes and goes like a flash!)

It forces one to be independent. It makes one understand it’s essential to be. (At least it is loads cooler to be independent!)

It gets one tensed. It makes one realise that getting tensed would only get you teased (Assurances, one realises are actually pampering that misleads one from reality. It’s better to let our paranoia rule us. It’s usually right)

It makes one loyal. It teaches one to use discretion with loyalty. (Unfortunately it’s true that loyalty without discretion is the biggest injustice one can do onto oneself)

It makes one feel intimidated. It makes one realize that intimidating people are the ones who are intimidated. ( ;) Its weaklings that boast of strength)

It makes one long. It makes one understand that the best things take time (like getting a degree! Among other things ;) ;))

It makes one realize that manipulation is a way of life. It makes one accept that getting manipulated is dumb.

So on and so forth.
But you know what the best part of it all is?

It makes one acquainted with a wide assortment of characters. But it converts some of them into one’s best mates for life.

Neverland: Classes, bunking classes, tempting others to bunk classes with us, getting tempted to bunk classes with others, sleep, afternoon nap, evening catnap, classroom snooze, midnight tea, slightly later than midnight noodles, walking, talking, walking to talk secret stuff, eating mess food, bitching about mess food, missing mess food to eat muffin at Nescafe, tea, bada tea, amul cool, missing home, feeling pissed, getting teased, teasing others, assignments, copying assignments, getting offended when somebody doesn’t give his/her assignment, feeling selfish about giving ours, exams, syllabus mails, exam papers that defy the syllabus, Xerox, combined studies, combined exams, grades, soaking clothes in soap water, washing clothes after a couple of days, cycle trips, eat outs, treats, more treats, placements, preparation for placements, comparisons, disappointments, satisfactions, couples, splits, again couples, peer pressure ;), messy rooms, rats, cockroaches, insects, roommates, loo mates, wing mates, parties, festivals, college symposiums, guest lectures, sleeping through lectures, competitions, common room, market, ice creams, class presentations, presenting without preparing, debates, arguments, night outs, movies, laptop, DC++, chats, Dhobi, ATM, Tatkal, holidays, meets during hols, train journey, weekends, affection, fun, joy and Friends!

At the end of it, I realize, every single memory of it involves these people in some way or other. Possibly, it is because of these relationships that this Neverland becomes palatable and survivable even making the worst of scenarios funny and acceptable. Everything depressing is ridiculed to insignificance by the sheer potency of camaraderie. It is as this group one learns this major point. In fact one gets so used to it that it becomes a way of life. Nothing seems a problem. Nothing seems worth worrying. The Neverland imparts an experiential education that rivals that of the sages and philosophers!

Of course the Neverland corrupts the gullible. They imbibe too much without selectivity probably. Quite expectedly, the Neverland scares the species called parents. Doesn’t mean the resistant ones don’t have any takeaways. These take away tastes. Not habits. Not biases. Not prejudices. Just tastes. In my opinion, that is the most brilliant part of the Neverland. Imagine so many people with so many varied interests. The Neverland is a veritable treasure for picking up tastes.

Of all the things one goes through here, right and wrong, good and bad, fun and misery, at the end of it all when it is a test of the strength of the memories, the pleasant ones win hands down and eyes closed. I can’t believe I am going to say it but I think I will miss this stupid, obnoxious, silly, paradoxical, ironical, depressing middle of nowhere!

Neverland, the land that makes one irreversibly grow.

Neverland, the treasure land rigged with mines.

Neverland, the land of enlightening liberty.

After being through it one can never be the same.

Cheat

Cheat

I got sick and I was on my way back to my hostel room from the diagnostic centre with a positive for infection. As it is, the illustrious diagnostic centre, supposedly one of the best here in this place which is illustrious by its own accord for a variety of reasons, made me wait for almost an hour because the results have to come from “somewhere”. So me in my mightily pissed form waved for a cycle rickshaw guy and was in no mood to converse, that too with my mono or max bi syllabic Hindi. But as things usually are, the guy I happened to wave down happened to be in a chatty mood. The moment I got in he started. Both pedalling and talking.

Guy: you Kerala?

Me: no. (In no mood to talk)

Guy: Andhra?

Me: no. (Still in no mood to talk)

Guy: TN?

Me: yeah (slightly amused...)

(Apparently he had figured out that I am from south India. Well. Almost everybody makes that out. But he wanted to specifically place me in my state)

Guy: (pointing at himself) AP

(Apparently he had figured out that my Hindi is beyond his levels)

Me: hmmm... (Almost forgot that I was pissed)

Guy: Bahut garam..(He said wiping off his sweat)

Me: aan

(I realised this was going to be a monologue from him. And as it is, from years of experience and a little intuition, I guessed a catch is soon going to pop out from him)

Guy: 3 Kids. 2 lady. 1 Gents.

Guy: small kid. Jaundice.

Guy: No sleep 3 days. Worry. No money.

Guy: 3 kids. School. Food. Dress. Shoes. ( he reached down and showed me where shoes are worn.)

(he also turned and looked at me and gave a resigned look and waved his hand)

(some more of lines like this interspersed with questions like the following)

Guy: Which year? Which course? Going home after exams? Where?

(anyway it goes on for some time but with the periodic mention of jaundice)

(the end is approaching)

Guy: No smoke. No drinks. (pointing at himself)

( a few seconds later I get down. And I give him an 50Rs extra. )

Guy: Thank you sir (delightedly and it was somehow combined with gratitude that I am not able to place)

And as I was walking back I couldn’t help but think about it. I knew there was a high probability that he might be lying. I suppose all of us have faced such encounters. But what does one do? The first time he mentioned jaundice I knew he wants me to give him some money. And the whole time I was pretending to myself as though I am deliberating, because I knew I am going to give him something anyway.

Have happened many times.

Once I am arriving at the Delhi railway station after a gruelling and boring 2 day journey from Madras and as I am walking out a small school girl, probably 9^th or 10^th standard max, came running to me and pinned our national flag on my shirt. What does one do? Would one say no at the kid’s face?

So many examples like this. Security guards. Most of them I have encountered in my life are really really nice people. But it is a given that it is incumbent on our part to give some money.

What does one do?

Is the conversational affiliation shown only for monetary ends?

The question I am not able to answer is “So what if it is so?”

Besides they come across as really nice people.

Some of them even have the lucidness to frankly ask for money. Isn’t that in a way appreciatable?

May be some of them lie. May be some of them cheat.

The question I am not able to answer is “How do I know?”

What if that money we give ACTUALLY helps them in a genuine way? May be they are not drunkards as we assume. What if it is so?

The question I am not able to answer is “Does the paranoia weigh more than the remote possibility of genuineness”

How much do they expect anyway? 10?20? 50? Leaving everything apart, the morality of the action, the logic of pessimism and everything, is the magnitude of quantum involved here something that bothers us?

We get robbed and cheated almost every day.

Everytime we go to cafe coffee day.

Everytime we go to nalli silks.

Everytime we go to saravana bhavan.

Everytime we buy a Cineplex ticket.

Everytime we buy branded stuff.

Almost every time we do whatever we do in our lifestyle.

But we are never bothered by this fact even though we know it. Of course its self indulgence and we feel that we deserve it. And 10s and 20s and 50s are not even worthy of our consideration is it?

The irony is that we don’t think twice about paying more to people who would probably go and indulge themselves in ways even we don’t. But we think more than twice and end up deciding not to give to people who would probably go and eat a full set meals with that money. Or maybe they will booze.

So what?

Is our point of trouble the fact that these people go and drink locally brewed alcohol while those we paid at malls drink vodka? ( I want to write about boozing. I have so much to argue in that ;) Unfortunately might hurt people)

You know what I do? I indulge them. Primarily because I am not able to answer any of the questions.

Since anyway cheating is a way of life, either we cheat others or others cheat us or we cheat ourselves.

And in this case the best thing is that their momentary gratitude is really gratifying (Though technically it’s my dad who should be receiving it. Lets say it doesn’t matter within family)

Sometimes I wonder whether I am just this common someone who can’t say no. But I am quite capable of saying no. Have said it so many times. Anyway I am stuck in the case of issues where I can’t decide with certainty. Like Asimov’s robot that is given two conflicting orders of equal intensity. In such cases it’s pragmatic to employ the option of least discomfort.

So I indulge them.

Better than buying a silk saree for 10k from Nalli, coming out and bargaining with the guy selling safety pins.

In case you found that male chauvinistic,

Better than buying Lee jeans for 3k, coming out and bargaining with the lady selling handkerchiefs.

The Thread

The Thread
I started this thinking about permanence. The property of being able to exist for an indefinite duration. That is what the dictionary says about it. There is this cliché which people use all the time that change is the only thing that is permanent. And irritatingly enough that cliché is always, ALWAYS said with an air of maturity , with an authority that proclaims itself to be derived from the most levitating and enlightening of experiences, with pity very similar to that shown by a human to a hurt pet puppy. And I always, ALWAYS feel like saying “Really? Sheesh...man...I never knew”. And I don’t because I have a very pessimistic notion that the sarcasm would be lost on them.

Of course I am not really angry at them. Just miffed by the truth of that statement. And to an extent by the tone of the person which wants to convey the image that they in fact actually enjoy the non-permanence of stuff and it’s the lesser mortals who can’t let go offthe need for attachment. And if the person is not that a hypocrite, he/she is probably a nice person trying to be sympathetic . The only snag being it’s not sympathising. I just hope everyone accepts it someday. There is nothing called consolation. At least we all suck at it. In my opinion the best way to console somebody is just being there for that person and keeping our mouths shut. People don’t realise it but it is highly unfair when somebody tries to underplay the impact or importance of the “lost” thing in an attempt to console. I would prefer to be told “Yes. It was a big thing to you. It must be very hard indeed to face this disappointment. I hope you will take it in your stride” or something like that instead of “It was not that great anyway. It doesn’t matter. There are other things you can get.” Anyway, personally I am always tongue tied in situations like that and I am usually never tongue tied, whatever about me gets tied, it’s never my tongue. But what does one say anyway? I always think that being there is more important anyway. (I know..Self justification. Pardon me)

So anyway I started thinking about it. What is permanent?

Is Saturday permanent? No. It’s just one day of the week.

Is Calvin permanent? No. Bill Watterson stopped Calvin in 1995.

Is health permanent? No. We never know what a test is going to tell us. Heck. We don’t even know when we would be forced to take a test.

Are jobs permanent? No. Its recession isn’t it?

Is contentment permanent? HA HA.

Is happiness permanent? No. Since I “Ha HA”ed to the question whether contentment is permanent.

Are friends permanent? Er. ..er..

Is Obama permanent? Isn’t he the one who talked about the coming of change?

Are our degrees permanent? Hopefully.

Are pups permanent? No. They grow too fast.

Is our childhood permanent? No. We grow faster than pups.

Are our memories permanent? Selectively.

Are our prejudices permanent? Hopefully not. But unfortunately yes.

Are our sins permanent? I think this is too heavy for my blog..You know..My blog is not THAT serious. ;)

Are laptops permanent? I think they have something called batteries.

Are our goals permanent? I don’t think we even know what goals are in the first place.

Are lives permanent? No. We die.

Are corrupt politicians permanent? No. Some of them die.

Is affection permanent? I suppose so. Somebody or the other is expressing it to somebody or the other

Is our affection permanent? Yes. Though for some people the person receiving it might change from time to time.

Are our beliefs permanent? I don’t know. And I don’t know which answer is ideally right, yes or no.

Are nations permanent? No. No comments.

Are continents permanent? No. They silly keep moving and hitting “on” each other.

Is our lifestyle permanent? No. I used to wear diapers and now I don’t.

Ok.. I think I need to stop..I sometimes keep writing because it’s fun talking like this. ;) Anyway my point in this is that almost, almost nothing is permanent. And we don’t feel bad about them all. But some things we wish it to be permanent. Or at least after sometime we think it would have been nice if something had been permanent. But inherently we like permanence in some way. But we like change in some way too. Aspirations, ambitions, wishes everything underlie a desire for change. Some change. Some form. And many a times its probably denied to us, What we wish; What we want; What we desire; What we dream about; What we keep thinking about;

On the other side, “loss” is sadness. Disappointment, loss, disillusionment everything underlie a desire for permanence. And sadly and ironically enough this is probably denied to us too. What we don’t want to change; What we want to hold onto; What we think defines us; What we think is our purpose; What we want to always belong to; What we want to belong to us always;

Yes. Probably nothing is permanent. And we like it sometimes. And we hate it sometimes. But there is a common thread to both these sides of us. A common reaction. A common defence. A common reason to go on. A common need to continue. A common voice that eggs us on.
Sometimes this common thread, as much as we need it, makes us feel stupid to ourselves, makes us look stupid to others, makes us question it, makes us doubt its purpose, and makes us want to stop it. But it holds on.

And for the blessed soul (or should the adjective be wretched?) it’s invincible.

It’s called hope.

Crotons

Crotons

I love these plants. We have it all around our home. Attractive with their brilliantly colored leaves. I like them very much because in my memory that was one of my first scientific words that I knew when I was a kid. It is that awesome feeling of euphoria when I understand something in science. I don’t know why that is. And that levitating feeling of self accomplishment, though an illuding thought, if possible, was even more pronounced when I was younger. Now am relatively experienced (am 2.2 decades old...sigh) which has enabled me to identify it to be a misleading illusion, a fact that fortunately doesn’t bother me. So what I am saying is that I am a sucker for scientific stuff, stuff like jargons, stuff which I don’t understand, stuff that has more than 2 words that are separated by a hyphen, stuff that are nonexistent but those which would be cool if they do exist, stuff with which I can fool people if explained believably, stuff that helps me win arguments and debates, stuff that are imaginarily wild and fascinating, (I love milk. I always think it would be nice to create genetically engineered cows that would directly give flavoured milk. The cows could even be colour coded. Ok...ok...) stuff that are the livelihood of science fiction writers and other stuff similar or related to all the stuff mentioned above.

And I am more attracted by biology of course. I am a biotechnologist by education. My grandpa is a botanist. My dad is a medical practitioner. A couple of aunts and an uncle are doctors too. Two of my cousins are fully fledged biotechnologists with PhDs and Post Docs. One cousin is a fresh doctor now and another cousin has started his first year in the medical college. Biology is many a times the subject of the dinner table conversations, sofa set conversations, on the floor conversations, travel time conversations, literally any conversation.

So pardon me for finding the following and also making it a point to say it here. The genus we are actually referring to when we say “crotons” is Codiaeum which is a genus under the family Euphorbiaceae. There is another genus called “croton” under the same family actually. The family is a quite famous one. I think the famous poinsettias and jatrophas belong to it. Codiaeum variegatum is the species which we commonly have in our homes.

Have you even wondered how beautiful leaves are? No. Not in a croton. Just plain old green leaves. It makes me almost angry at the fact that very rarely do people look at the leaves. Most of us are too busy going “ooooh” over the flowers to actually appreciate the brilliance and beauty of leaves.

The most appealing thing about leaves to me is their pure functionality. Sustenance. No Frills. No flashes. Simple. Purposeful.

No. I am not demeaning flowers. I am just appalled by the fact that leaves are not getting the acknowledgement it deserves. Leaves are not included in the verses of poems and songs. Leaves are not used as adjectives to the lady love in duets. There are no boards in the gardens that say “Do not pluck leaves”. Nobody picks up a fallen leaf.

No. I think that fact as such doesn’t appal me. What offends me is the fact that it is the very same fundamental reasons which make us do this horrible and apathetic evil in all aspects propagating this inconsiderate bias and blindness leaving victims everywhere and in everything. Not just leaves.

Consider the following. These are some of the common facts, thoughts and opinions that exist among us.

Hardworking people are boring and not adventurous.

Simple people are unattractive.

Loyal people are very predictable and therefore unromantic.

Studious people are mugpots and don’t have an ounce of intelligence.

Emotional people are a burden.

Caring people, a nuisance.

Relatively un-westernised people are morons.

Traditional people are gutless.

Religious people are superstitious.

Non drinkers are people who don’t have fun.

Non party goers are loners. (Possibly creepy too)

People who talk with their parents everyday are childish and un – independent.

Patient people are losers.

People who hope are idiots.

Content people are un-ambitious.

Careful people fear risk.

Cautious people are paranoid.

People without an elaborate hairdo have hair that is unkempt.

And consider the following for a contrast

Intimidating people are confident people.

Bullies are attractive and strong.

Rash drivers are sexy.

Smokers and drinkers are people who are living their life.

Detached people are mature.

Cold people are cool.

People who keep “moving on”, one too many times, are resilient.

People who use others are intelligent.

People who affect smiles and conversations to “build” contacts are career oriented and ambitious.

Whimsical people are independent.

People who are not loyal are victims of misunderstanding.

Liars are humorous.

Flirts are merely extroverts.

People who go abroad are the really capable ones.

People who have unkempt hair have a cool hairdo.

Of course there are so many stereotypes that I cannot possibly write them all here. We all know these. Pity ain’t it?

Goodness doesn't flash. It glows.

Unfortunately, its only flashes that are seen.

I love crotons. They are pragmatic enough to have realised that they would never be appreciated for they are merely leaves and hence, morphed, retaining their true essence, but enough to fool the blind and biased world.