Language
Someone: (cheerfully) Hey. What language can u speak in?
Me: (Warily) English
Someone: (Still cheerfully but with a little inquisitiveness) What is your mother tongue?
Me: It is a large bundle of muscles on the floor of my mom’s mouth that manipulates food for chewing and swallowing. It is also one of the organs of taste.
Someone: (flabbergasted) Ok.Smartypants. If you want to act smart then listen to this. I didn’t ask “What is your mother’s tongue?”. I asked “What is your mother tongue”. Holy mother of god! You don’t know what is an apostrophe?!
Me: (With fear smeared across my face) what does my appa’s trophy had to do with it? Stay away from it you thieving someone.
Someone: (Slapping his forehead and looking at the sky) God! Did you say you can speak in English?
Me: (curiously fiddling with a thread hanging out of my shirt) Beats me. Weren’t you listening?
Someone: Do you even know what a rhetorical question is?
Me: (attentively) Are u asking me that question? Do you want me to answer?
Someone: So you do know what a rhetorical question is!
Me: Err...If you say so.
Someone: Okay. Never mind. What other language can you use?
Me: (innocently) Foul
Someone: (exasperated) Are you like mentally challenged?
Me: (curiously) by whom? You?
Someone: Don’t bother. Where are you from? Down south?
Me: Doesn’t “down” and “south” mean the same thing?
Someone: (Rolling his eyes) Yeah. Sorry. So are you from any of the southern states? You look so and your accent seems so too.
Me: Yes Chief Detective.
Someone: So if I have to guess that you are from this particular state where the illustrious political stalwarts politicised the education of the languages, then there is a high probability that you don’t know the national language.
Me: It’s ironical that they confused teaching with preaching.
Someone: (feigned shock) so you indeed don’t know the national language?
Me: (matter of factly) Not exactly Sherlock Holmes. I can manage. And I am learning. But If it has to be binary, then yes, its zero.
Someone: (feigned shock now along with a tinge of anger) It’s pathetic. Why didn’t you learn it like in private tuitions or something?
Me: (tiredly) Do you even study for your semester exam Mr. hypocrite?
Someone: (defensively) How does that come here? You are talking irrelevant stuff. I know the national language anyway.
Me: So?
Someone: What do you mean “so”? I mean...You are unbelievable...One should know his national language. Aren’t you patriotic in the slightest?
Me: Speaking a language makes you patriotic Mr. patriotic?
Someone: Yes. Of course.
Me: Do you know how the states in this nation were formed?
Someone: Err.
Me: (rapidly regurgitating) The States Reorganisation Act of 1956 is the culprit. The act reorganised the boundaries of India's states along linguistic lines.
Someone: ............
Me: The so called “nation” did it. Separation. Why didn’t they silly take a scale and pencil and draw lines on the outline map of India? It would have been far easier. Thankfully now language is not the scale with which one is measured.
Someone: Past is past. We are in the new globalised world. You can’t still keep blaming past mistakes.
Me: Mr. Global, Who has a problem with what? Who is complaining about somebody not knowing a language? Who is confused what patriotism is? Who is undeservingly being self righteously condescending? Who is judging people with what languages they talk? Who is being a hypocrite? Who is practising linguistic nepotism? Who is guessing people’s identity with their accent? Who?
Someone: Yeah. Who is that? Such people are the bane of our nation.
Me: You think so Mr. Nation- well-wisher?
Someone: Anyway, why are you talking about other people? So, how do you manage in a place where they speak this language? Aren’t you alienated?
Me: Alien? As in like from other planets? What does that verb mean? Do they forcibly put antennas on the head?
Someone: What are you talking about?!
Me: (now looking at someone with mild amusement) Would you recognise light hearted humour if it danced naked in front of you?
Someone: Naked? You are being obscene. I am a very patriotic person. And I am a very nice guy too. And I have a lot of friends.
Me: Do you mean to say I don’t?
Someone: I suppose so. You can’t even talk fluently in the national language.
Me: Thankfully many people are not as righteous and patriotic as you are Mr. Friendly. They just judge what the person is, blindly based on the person’s character. I am sure they are terribly wrong. Who would like and love others without making sure they know all the languages that are a must to know? Idiots aren’t they?
Someone: (emphatically) Yeah. Yeah. Anyway I am glad that you are getting along despite your appalling handicap. But you know, on a lighter vein, you don’t get to appreciate the fruits of the film industry associated with the language isn’t it?
Me: (losing interest in the conversation now)I listen to the music and watch some of the movies when I have the company (or subtitle file.)
Someone: But you won’t understand all the lyrics an all isn’t it? That is really sad. You can’t actually fully enjoy it then.
Me: have you seen any French films Mr. Empathiser?
Someone: Nopes
Me: (looking at my finger nails)Korean?
Someone: No
Me: German?
Someone: No.
Me: Malayalam? Tamizh? Telugu? Kannada? Oriya?
Someone: hell no.Why would I want to?
Someone: Anyway, What are you saying?
Me: Nothing Mr. Blind. Have you wondered about how some people who have specialised in something assume that only with what they have acquired can one appreciate the true beauty and worth of the thing they specialised in? Like some science people assuming that art-literature people cannot appreciate the fascination of science. Like some literature graduates assuming that science people cannot appreciate the enchanting beauty of words. Like some cooks assuming that both science and literature graduates cannot comprehend the sensuality of food.
Someone: I actually don’t understand what you are saying. Did you say something about food?
Me: (monologuising) Knowledge is not a prerequisite for appreciating and loving and feeling.
Someone: Yeah. I have always thought so.
Me: really Mr. No-Individuality?
Someone: Ok it is time for me. I have to go somewhere. See you then Mr...?
Me: Mr. Madrasi.
Someone: God! That is an offensive term! You should have some self esteem. You shouldn’t call yourself that. I use that term only when I really want to hurt somebody, like when somebody calls me by an equivalent term or when I am just pissed off with something and I want to spread the bad mood.
Me: (smiling) How nice of you to warn me Mr. Dictionary
Someone: of what?
Me: (Still smiling) That irrespective of the location, irrespective of north or south or east or west, irrespective of the globalisation, irrespective of educational qualification, irrespective of social class, irrespective of the recent past’s economic boom, irrespective of the current slowdown, irrespective of the century, irrespective of anything, people like you always exist.
************************************************************************************
The conversation may be a piece of fiction but the truth remains. There are three people. The explicit regional fanatic, the condescending “friendly” hypocrite and us, who are stuck with them.
Someone: (cheerfully) Hey. What language can u speak in?
Me: (Warily) English
Someone: (Still cheerfully but with a little inquisitiveness) What is your mother tongue?
Me: It is a large bundle of muscles on the floor of my mom’s mouth that manipulates food for chewing and swallowing. It is also one of the organs of taste.
Someone: (flabbergasted) Ok.Smartypants. If you want to act smart then listen to this. I didn’t ask “What is your mother’s tongue?”. I asked “What is your mother tongue”. Holy mother of god! You don’t know what is an apostrophe?!
Me: (With fear smeared across my face) what does my appa’s trophy had to do with it? Stay away from it you thieving someone.
Someone: (Slapping his forehead and looking at the sky) God! Did you say you can speak in English?
Me: (curiously fiddling with a thread hanging out of my shirt) Beats me. Weren’t you listening?
Someone: Do you even know what a rhetorical question is?
Me: (attentively) Are u asking me that question? Do you want me to answer?
Someone: So you do know what a rhetorical question is!
Me: Err...If you say so.
Someone: Okay. Never mind. What other language can you use?
Me: (innocently) Foul
Someone: (exasperated) Are you like mentally challenged?
Me: (curiously) by whom? You?
Someone: Don’t bother. Where are you from? Down south?
Me: Doesn’t “down” and “south” mean the same thing?
Someone: (Rolling his eyes) Yeah. Sorry. So are you from any of the southern states? You look so and your accent seems so too.
Me: Yes Chief Detective.
Someone: So if I have to guess that you are from this particular state where the illustrious political stalwarts politicised the education of the languages, then there is a high probability that you don’t know the national language.
Me: It’s ironical that they confused teaching with preaching.
Someone: (feigned shock) so you indeed don’t know the national language?
Me: (matter of factly) Not exactly Sherlock Holmes. I can manage. And I am learning. But If it has to be binary, then yes, its zero.
Someone: (feigned shock now along with a tinge of anger) It’s pathetic. Why didn’t you learn it like in private tuitions or something?
Me: (tiredly) Do you even study for your semester exam Mr. hypocrite?
Someone: (defensively) How does that come here? You are talking irrelevant stuff. I know the national language anyway.
Me: So?
Someone: What do you mean “so”? I mean...You are unbelievable...One should know his national language. Aren’t you patriotic in the slightest?
Me: Speaking a language makes you patriotic Mr. patriotic?
Someone: Yes. Of course.
Me: Do you know how the states in this nation were formed?
Someone: Err.
Me: (rapidly regurgitating) The States Reorganisation Act of 1956 is the culprit. The act reorganised the boundaries of India's states along linguistic lines.
Someone: ............
Me: The so called “nation” did it. Separation. Why didn’t they silly take a scale and pencil and draw lines on the outline map of India? It would have been far easier. Thankfully now language is not the scale with which one is measured.
Someone: Past is past. We are in the new globalised world. You can’t still keep blaming past mistakes.
Me: Mr. Global, Who has a problem with what? Who is complaining about somebody not knowing a language? Who is confused what patriotism is? Who is undeservingly being self righteously condescending? Who is judging people with what languages they talk? Who is being a hypocrite? Who is practising linguistic nepotism? Who is guessing people’s identity with their accent? Who?
Someone: Yeah. Who is that? Such people are the bane of our nation.
Me: You think so Mr. Nation- well-wisher?
Someone: Anyway, why are you talking about other people? So, how do you manage in a place where they speak this language? Aren’t you alienated?
Me: Alien? As in like from other planets? What does that verb mean? Do they forcibly put antennas on the head?
Someone: What are you talking about?!
Me: (now looking at someone with mild amusement) Would you recognise light hearted humour if it danced naked in front of you?
Someone: Naked? You are being obscene. I am a very patriotic person. And I am a very nice guy too. And I have a lot of friends.
Me: Do you mean to say I don’t?
Someone: I suppose so. You can’t even talk fluently in the national language.
Me: Thankfully many people are not as righteous and patriotic as you are Mr. Friendly. They just judge what the person is, blindly based on the person’s character. I am sure they are terribly wrong. Who would like and love others without making sure they know all the languages that are a must to know? Idiots aren’t they?
Someone: (emphatically) Yeah. Yeah. Anyway I am glad that you are getting along despite your appalling handicap. But you know, on a lighter vein, you don’t get to appreciate the fruits of the film industry associated with the language isn’t it?
Me: (losing interest in the conversation now)I listen to the music and watch some of the movies when I have the company (or subtitle file.)
Someone: But you won’t understand all the lyrics an all isn’t it? That is really sad. You can’t actually fully enjoy it then.
Me: have you seen any French films Mr. Empathiser?
Someone: Nopes
Me: (looking at my finger nails)Korean?
Someone: No
Me: German?
Someone: No.
Me: Malayalam? Tamizh? Telugu? Kannada? Oriya?
Someone: hell no.Why would I want to?
Someone: Anyway, What are you saying?
Me: Nothing Mr. Blind. Have you wondered about how some people who have specialised in something assume that only with what they have acquired can one appreciate the true beauty and worth of the thing they specialised in? Like some science people assuming that art-literature people cannot appreciate the fascination of science. Like some literature graduates assuming that science people cannot appreciate the enchanting beauty of words. Like some cooks assuming that both science and literature graduates cannot comprehend the sensuality of food.
Someone: I actually don’t understand what you are saying. Did you say something about food?
Me: (monologuising) Knowledge is not a prerequisite for appreciating and loving and feeling.
Someone: Yeah. I have always thought so.
Me: really Mr. No-Individuality?
Someone: Ok it is time for me. I have to go somewhere. See you then Mr...?
Me: Mr. Madrasi.
Someone: God! That is an offensive term! You should have some self esteem. You shouldn’t call yourself that. I use that term only when I really want to hurt somebody, like when somebody calls me by an equivalent term or when I am just pissed off with something and I want to spread the bad mood.
Me: (smiling) How nice of you to warn me Mr. Dictionary
Someone: of what?
Me: (Still smiling) That irrespective of the location, irrespective of north or south or east or west, irrespective of the globalisation, irrespective of educational qualification, irrespective of social class, irrespective of the recent past’s economic boom, irrespective of the current slowdown, irrespective of the century, irrespective of anything, people like you always exist.
************************************************************************************
The conversation may be a piece of fiction but the truth remains. There are three people. The explicit regional fanatic, the condescending “friendly” hypocrite and us, who are stuck with them.
10 comments:
Its a subject that is a topic of debate for a lot of people (including me). What I had tried to say here is obviously a part of what I feel about it. I had tried and been as succinct as possible.
http://www.strumlife.blogspot.com/
This is one of my friends talking about the same (or related) subject.
good try sankar! i can sense the anger in the post man!
Awesome one !!
sankar,it s really superb..it just made me remember the song from,Mozhi,:"katrin mozhi isaiya,oliya?....iyarkkaiyain mozhigal purinthuvidin manitharin mozhigal thaevai illai..ithayathin mozhigal purinthuvidin manitharukku mozhiyae thaevai illai"..but wll it b possible?
@Bala..
not anger..just amusement :)
Hey!!
Good one. Write more vehemently and btw Hindi s not our national languag according to the constitution.
http://www.merinews.com/catFull.jsp?articleID=126953
So,!shw them the finger
@Me.
:) I am sure we have bad eggs everywhere..fanatics are everywhere..there is no dearth of them ..esp our own illustrious state..:)
I suppose a lot of us have encountered more than one "friendly" hypocrite in our lives :)
@All
this is not a post against hindi from a non hindi speaking person..this is a post against judging people with the language they speak..As we have the term "madrasi" we also have the words like "golti" and "mallu" etc..Th epost is against that..Its not abt north Vs south..Its about how a small fraction on both sides cause distrust and discomfort for the whole..
amazing... i appreciate your literary skills as well as your views on the topic... would look forward to your future posts...
Hey Sankar....this one's really gud!
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